In Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate, Jerry Bridges gently focuses our attention on widespread sins in the church. Not only are they common, but they also go unchecked.

Bridges’ confession

Before expanding on these sins, though, he makes a confession to his readers: He’s not perfect, he has committed many of these sins over the years and he doesn’t pretend to be any better or holier than the rest of us.

He makes this confession right at the start, helping readers to understand his humble attitude while writing this book, which ultimately helps us to accept what he has to say about these sins.

Seasoned Christians still have room to grow

Next, Bridges walks us through those familiar Bible verses about sin, salvation and grace. He knows he’s talking to people who’ve heard these things a million times, but he reframes them to help us see ourselves—that is, lifelong Christians who think we’ve got this faith thing all worked out—in the centre of God’s plan of salvation.

Even now, as seasoned believers, with years of Sunday services under our belts, countless worship songs sung, who knows how many prayers said, devotions read and volunteer hours logged, we're still sinners in need of God’s grace who have lots of room left to grow.

Down to the nitty-gritty: Sins Christians tolerate

Bridges covers everything from anger, judgmentalism, anxiety and impatience to worldliness, pride, selfishness and lack of self-control.

Sometimes we Christians purposely ignore these 'respectable' sins. Sometimes we just don't take them seriously. Gossip and materialism are a couple examples of this.

Other times these sins are winked at or they’re the subject of jokes. I can think of a few, but I’m curious which sins you (reading this review) would file under this category?

Bridges hits the mark

I’ve grown up in the church and consider myself to have been a believer most of my life, (You know, the ‘asked Jesus into my heart at age 6’ story), and I’ve seen each and every one of these sins in myself and in most ‘mature’ Christians around me.

Some of them, like materialism and selfishness, are shied away from in sermons, Bible studies, devotionals and especially in conversation with one another. We’re so hardwired from birth to practically idolize individualism, privacy and a citizen’s ‘rights’ to do whatever he wants with his money that we hardly distinguish them from the true sins of materialism and selfishness that God’s Word tries to guide us away from.

Other sins, like anger, are sometimes wrongly interpreted. I’ve been angered by serious sin in the church (e.g. putting personal comfort over helping a neighbor in need), and for that I have been accused of the ‘sin’ of anger. We Christians don’t know the difference between good anger (e.g. at cruel injustice) and sinful anger.

Bridges also missed a few biggies

Bridges really does justice to most sins that we Christians often let slide. He invites the reader, after reviewing each issue, to consider instances in our own lives where we have committed those sins and how we can return to a belief and a lifestyle more reflective of God’s desire for us, His Bride.

There are a few sins, though, I wish he had mentioned.

Love your neighbor: We don’t do it
The second commandment, to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, seems like a biggie in Scripture. And yet, growing up I’ve witnessed countless times when Christians have refused to help a fellow Christian in need.

Not helping one’s neighbor is often made to seem acceptable with the false teaching that people must suffer in silence, without asking for help, in order to prove that they’re trusting God. Scripture, on the other hand, is full of commands and examples of Christians tangibly helping one another and that this is linked to proof of our salvation. (See John Piper’s sermon on this.)

Church: The old boys’ club
I’ve gotta be honest. Sometimes the church resembles an old boys’ club more than a family of mature, caring believers who actually live by integrity. I’ve seen ‘mature’ Christians cover up fellow Christians’ sins and paving the way for that sin to continue. They also attacked anyone who brought those sins into the light.

Take the sexual abuse of children by clergy and other church leaders, for example. Consider the lengths to which ‘mature’ Christians have gone to cover up those sins, regardless of the fact that known pedophiles were free to continue abusing children because of the community’s collective will to keep it all quiet.

Accountability: Who's it for anyway?
Often the church patriarchs and matriarchs consider themselves above accountability. Their age and status in the community gives them a kind of immunity from it.

Jesus and Paul’s clear instructions to deal with sin and conflict in the church (Matt. 5:23-24; Matt. 18:15-17, 1 Cor. 5: 11-13) are only applied to hot button sins (e.g. divorce, premarital sex, challenging ‘authority,’ etc.). These sins are loudly preached against and the people who committ them are publicly disciplined, cast out, or otherwise raked over the coals.

What about extreme sins, like when missionaries and elders and pastors rape children? No, we’re told, we must pray for those leaders and do nothing more. If we break the code of silence, we’re accused of the sin of judgmentalism, vengeance, anger and so forth.

You know in some ways, the Church is seriously screwed up. That’s why these are some of the very deep and dangerous sins I wish Bridges had covered in his otherwise stellar work.

4.5 out of 5

Overall, the book was a huge encouragement to me, in that Bridges’ gentle treatment of these common sins paints a bright, uplifting picture of what the Church can become if we simply want to. All we need is to humble ourselves—I mean totally forget our privilege, status and years of service—and decide that our lives will not be a breeding ground for these sins anymore.

No sin is respectable.

Speaking of respect, it isn’t easy taking on the attitudes of overly comfortable Christians. I respect Jerry Bridges for the courage to share this unpopular yet urgently needed message with us.

--- Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NavPress Publishers as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commision's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

I'd like to read "Counterfeit Gospels" (promoted by Moody Publishers) because I'm curious to see if the author has caught that peculiar counterfeit gospel in many evangelical churches where traditions are clung to more tightly than God's Word.

You know, the kind of tradition that isn't questioned in conversation and usually taken as truth from the pulpit. The kind of tradition that gets you shushed with a stern frown when you casually mention that your devotions are leading you to re-think a long-held teaching of the church.

Like the tradition of glossing over 'respectable sins'. Is it okay to gossip? No, but we do share news about each other without permission. That's not gossip, is it?

How about the tradition that dressing in a suit & tie is the only way to worship? Or that drinking alcohol is a sin but gluttony is okay? Or that weekly church attendance is required whether or not we speak to the lonely people sitting beside us in the service?

How about deeper, more sinister traditions, like the idea that it's disrespectful to hold our leaders accountable because they 'speak for God so they must be right'? Or that we never talk about big sins in the church because hiding them 'preserves God's work'? Or that we should not ask our church family for help in times of need because that would mean we're not trusting God?

I'd love to read Counterfeit Gospels, because I'm eager to know if the author, out of love for God and His Bride, has shed light on some of the most deeply-held lies in mainstream evangelical churches. I sure hope he does.

Check out Moody Publishers book promo & contest.

Defiant Joy: The Remarkable Life & Impact of G.K. Chesterton by Kevin Belmonte

Dr. Ravi Zacharias first introduced me to G.K. Chesterton. He quotes Chesterton often in his talks and seems to think highly of him. Since I think highly of Dr. Zacharias, it seemed obvious that I should learn more about Chesterton.

When BookSneeze offered this work to book reviewers I jumped at the chance. Well, at first the hair on the cover picture had me second-guessing, but then I remembered that I'd be learning more about the inside of Chesterton's head than the outside.

The author's intro was enough to hook me. Now I'm eager to pour over the rest of it. If you're interested in Chesterton's work but don't know much about it, keep checking back for updates. I'll post the best and most inspiring, thought-provoking quotes from this book.

In the meantime, check out this sleek blog dedicated to all things Chesterton: Chesterton.org

"...the worthier the individual, the greater is his loss to the living. The more he meant to those about him--family, friends, community--the deeper the grief and sharper the anguish..." Rabbi H. Halevey Donin

At first, my response to this quote was, How true.

On second thought, I had to ask, Who decides an individual's worthiness?
How do we measure someone's worth and their contribution to "the living"?
How do we judge one man's service to the world as more valuable than another's?

I've known some amazing, faithful believers and prayer warriors who served and gave of themselves tirelessly, but they still passed away without much notice from the rest of the world. I'm sure most of us know people like this.

Dad was a nursing home chaplain for a while and he often told us how his heart broke for the seniors who were lonely, who rarely had visitors, if ever. Their closest loved ones had already passed on and their living relatives were either far away or emotionally distant or just too busy to visit very often.

But these seniors had done amazing and sacrificial things in their time and yet no more than a handful of people would ever know when they passed away. I wonder if our not celebrating these quiet, behind-the-scenes servants is our loss, not theirs.

What about younger people who also find themselves without scores of friends? Maybe they're just more introverted, shy, soft-spoken folks. Maybe God called them to serve Him behind the scenes. Maybe He called them to a kind of service that was more humble than flashy. Maybe He called them to give all of themselves in service to one needy person instead of many. There are a gazillion good reasons why some people just aren't popular and well-known.

Not everyone's funeral will pack a stadium or leave a gaping hole in their community. But does that determine their worth? I think you and I both know the answer to that already.

It would be really sad if we believed our worth came from how many people loved us, or if our worth was based on whether we met other peoples' expectations. God works in mysterious ways. It could be that some of the people who struggled through life unknown and un-celebrated by the world turn out to be among the 'greatest' in heaven. God's the only one who decides the worth of a person's life and contributions.

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. (1 Cor. 1:26-29)

Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one Instructor, the Messiah. The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. (Matt. 23:10-12)

*Please read the following post with tongue firmly lodged in cheek.

Here's one 'Christianese' saying I've heard LOTS over the years:

I covet your prayers.

Covet.

That's a sin, right?

I did a keyword search in the New Testament and not one reference to the word "covet" was positive.

So why use one of the sins condemned in the 10 Commandments to tell people how much we want them to pray for us? Won't they take us seriously otherwise?

I guess the simple carefree days of "please pray for me" are over. They're long gone. People need something more dramatic, some sign to prove how serious we are. Now-a-days we need to sin just to get on someone's supplication list.

It's like saying,

I need your prayers so badly I want to steal them.

I idolize your prayers about me.

I'll shun my parents just to show how much I need your prayers.

I'd kill to have you pray for me.

Or better yet...

I will bear false witness against my parents, steal their stuff, kill their parakeet and build an altar to you -- and I'll do it all on the Sabbath -- if only you'll pray for me.

You get the picture.

Carol Kent's book dedication struck me between the eyes. She says:

This book is dedicated to our

"Stretcher Bearers"

and to all of you who take the time
to respond to the needs of others
by answering the question,
"How can I help with tangible encouragement?"

Our "Stretcher Bearers" became the
hands and feet of Jesus to us
when we ran out of resources.

You have modeled a lifestyle of giving

that has forever changed our lives.

Please hold Gene and me accountable

for "finishing well."

Then at the end of chapter 1 Carol Kent poses questions for the reader on issues like "unthinkable circumstances," prayer, and so on. The next question she asks is incredible:

Are you asking for help from other people? If not, what keeps you from asking? (Embarrassment and self-reliance are possibilities.) Carefully consider what might benefit you most right now (and at each stage of your journey through unthinkable circumstances): Professional advice? A shoulder to cry on (literally)? Help running errands or keeping your household or business in order? A weekend away? Financial support? Whom can you ask to help you get what you need?

I find these questions so stunning because of how strongly they go against the grain in some Christian circles. Asking for advice or a cup of sugar is one thing. Asking for someone's time, energy, or significant resources are quite another, especially if the situation makes them feel uncomfortable. Discomfort--that reason alone was enough for my parents' church leaders to defend the members' absence from our lives when we needed support and compassion the most.

In a capitalist and individualistic culture that prizes privacy and self-fulfillment, asking for these things may cost you dearly. You might even lose relationships along the way, even in your family or in your church. And if you ask more than once, you'll receive a stern warning about "depending on God for your needs, not on people." They'll try to give you the idea that asking people for help is shameful--sinful even--because it shows how little you trust God to provide for your needs.

Well, don't believe them.

There are countless examples through the Old and New Testaments showing God's desire for us to take action to help people in need. Here's one story from Scripture that gets little airtime from the pulpit:

Acts 6:1-7
In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, the Hellenistic Jews among them complained against the Hebraic Jews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food. So the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, “It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait on tables. Brothers and sisters, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word.”

This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; also Philip, Procorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas from Antioch, a convert to Judaism. They presented these men to the apostles, who prayed and laid their hands on them.

So the word of God spread. The number of disciples in Jerusalem increased rapidly, and a large number of priests became obedient to the faith.

The Greek-speaking Jews complained to church leaders because native Jewish widows in their group were getting food, and Greek-speaking widows were not.

Notice what the church leaders did NOT do in response:

• They didn't say, "Well, if the Greek-speaking widows aren't getting food, then it must be God's will."
• They didn't tell the Greek-speaking widows to put their "trust in God, not in man."
• They didn't make the Greek-speaking Jews feel less spiritual for making their complaint.
• They didn't say, "Well, you just have to understand that native Jews are uncomfortable around Greek-speaking Jews."

Notice what the church leaders DID do in response:

• They immediately met with each other to solve the problem.
• They recognized that the teachers among them already had a heavy work load.
• They chose believers from their congregation to fill this specific need.
• In short, they lived out the gospel!

Asking for help is not a sin. Be on your guard in case the spiritual leaders you trust try to tell you otherwise.

Christians ARE the hands and feet of Jesus in each others' lives, if God has given us a resource or skill to give, and IF we're willing to put others ahead of ourselves.

Stretcher Bearers... what a great concept. :)

The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. (1 Cor. 12:12)

I come from a conservative church background, so when I made the eyebrow-raising decision to join a charismatic Vineyard church seven years ago, I was all but renouncing my faith. When Amber*, another lifelong member of my conservative church, left to join the Vineyard church, our former pastor and several of his church members openly speculated about her salvation.

A little while later this same pastor met with Amber, warning her against her choice by making all sorts of claims about the Vineyard movement. By this time, though, she had already met with the Vineyard's pastor to learn about his beliefs, and she got to know the beliefs of her new Vineyard friends as well. So as she sat in this meeting with her former pastor, she already realized that he didn't actually know what he was talking about. Of course the Vineyard wasn't perfect, but he made claims about the Vineyard that came from rumor, not fact, and she--timid but with a clear conscience--corrected his misunderstandings. And she's been a member of the Vineyard church ever since.

When I heard this story, I wondered how I would feel if someone questioned my salvation simply for changing denominations. I'd probably be upset at whoever was spreading that kind of slander about me. But then I'd realize that the problem is bigger than this one pastor, bigger than his church, and bigger than his denomination even.

I spent six years at that Vineyard church, and I saw a few of them (not their pastor, though) do the same thing--I saw an elder, a youth leader, and another program leader question the salvation of people from other churches, specifically people who fit their definition of legalistic. And their definition was pretty broad too--it included anyone who focuses "too much" on Bible study and theology. (Funny enough, their definition includes Jesus--I don't think they realized just how studious He had been, even as a child!)

Years later I'm still scratching my head over why it's so easy for people to set up their own religion within a religion, like a system of nesting dolls. The biggest doll is Christianity. The next biggest could be evangelicalism. The next, "umbrella groups" with similar views. The next, individual denominations. The next, individual congregations. And the smallest, individual believers within the congregations.

But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. How strange a body would be if it had only one part! Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.” (1 Cor. 12:18-21)

These religions within Christianity each have their own idols and sacrifices. They slander people who don't belong, and make false accusations about them. They decide who is and isn't really saved. And they convince themselves just how right they are to be separate from the others in the Body of Christ.

Why are we prone to doing this? Maybe people are afraid of anything that's different and out of their comfort zone. We know that in the end God will join believers of every tribe and tongue and nation, which seems to suggest a little diversity there. But I guess everyone assumes that God will show the others how *our* denomination really had it right, and how in God's wisdom heaven will be structured exactly like our home church. Won't that be divine?!!

On the other hand, maybe the answer is about human pride, and the pride of correct doctrine. We think we've got all our doctrinal ducks in a row, and our denominational chest swells as we gleefully, sheepishly, piously, humbly shine our light of truth so that wayward believers can find their way onto our membership roster. But it isn't just the dogmatic types that can feel pride of correct doctrine. As Jerry Bridges points out in "Respectable Sins" even believers who dispise theology and doctrine can feel pride in their own ideas about faith.

Where do we Christians get our ideas from, I wonder? We assume it comes down to people having different interpretations of God's Word. But thinking over what I've witnessed these last 10 years, I'm realizing the problem goes much deeper: People aren't reading God's Word.

For six years I attended that Vineyard church and I saw people say they wanted guidance from God about one issue or another. The assumption was that they wanted it to come through prayer or a word of knowledge. Either they didn't realize or didn't want to realize that God had often already given the answer in His Word.

One Vineyard church elder and I chatted about Scriptures on the topic of accountability among members of a congregation. This elder used their own reasons to explain away every verse on this subject. This person was so concerned about all the mistakes that believers *might* make in trying to hold each other accountable that they thought it best not to have accountability at all. In blunt terms, this person trusted their own wisdom over God's Word.

On another occasion, a Vineyard youth leader said how uncomfortable they were around deep Bible study because it reminded them of leglism. Bible study leads to legalism, which leads to hypocrisy, arguments and division in the church, they said. Now I want to pause a moment and acknowledge the incredible damage that the Church has suffered because of graceless faith and legalism. The threat is real, and I understand why they would feel this way about Bible studies and theology that sound more dogmatic than life-giving. The problem, though, is when they treat the Bible as though it's contagious and can spread the disease of hypocrisy if you get too close.

This is true for more conservative churches too, because many of the traditions they defend so fiercely are nowhere found in Scripture. Many ideas I was raised with in my conservative tradition, which I thought were just about on par with the Ten Commandments, are based more on human emotion and comfort than on Scripture. Tradition is where some of these believers find their safety and security, and it's why they fight so hard against any ideas to the contrary.

People prefer their own wisdom over God's. No wonder it's so easy for new 'religions' to pop up within the Body of Christ. The Church of the Eyes claims to see truth better than everyone else. The Church of the Nose can smell out the enemy better than anyone else. The Church of the Right Big Toe says "I've always done it this way and so should you" and, well, you get the idea. And everyone decides who's in and who's out, who's saved and who isn't.

So what have I taken away from all this? When it comes to charismatic churches, I've learned to be on my guard. Believers who are well-meaning want to emphasize love and grace and peace and healing, all of which are good and were God's idea to begin with, but they may be trusting in themselves and their methods more than in God's Word. I'm on my guard at conservative churches too: those well-meaning believers want to be sure everyone's on the straight and narrow, but again, they may be trusting in their traditions more than in God's Word--so their version of the straight and narrow might be more like a dark cluttered alley on the wrong side of town.

My advice: If there's ever a question on your heart, some people may tell you to pray about it (which is good) or they might give you the church's traditional answer to it (which may or may not be good). But they might not know that God has already answered your question in the Bible. Worse, they might not encourage you to look for it in Scripture.

Meanwhile, if we don't know the whole Bible, and know it well, we'll be easily convinced of something that could be totally taken out of context. It's important to know the whole Bible, and to know all of it deeply. And if Scripture doesn't seem clear, then read up on it, far and wide, among theologians who've studied the original languages, whose insight is reliable, who exude an attitude of grace, who aren't afraid to challenge popular trends OR established traditions if they don't line up with Scripture. And if it really is a grey issue, a good theologian will be honest about that too.

God will never disagree with Himself. If it sounds like He's telling you something, or telling somebody else something through prayer or a word of knowledge or church tradition, test it against Scripture. If what people tell you is true, then Scripture will bear it out. And if it isn't true, God's Word will show you that too.

And then He'll show you how to get along with a bunch of believers who seem to bicker about everything. I don't know about you, but sometimes this one makes me want to hide in my own nesting doll on a deserted island in another galaxy! Then He reminds me to just keep studying His Word, build bridges with other believers, and encourage everyone to do the same! :)

*These stories are real, but names have been changed.

I just realized the irony of posting a quote about gluttony on Thanksgiving weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving, that is). Trust me, this wasn't planned!

In The Pursuit of Holiness, Jerry Bridges reminds us:

20th century Christians, especially those in the Western world, have generally been found wanting in the area of holiness of body. Gluttony and laziness, ...for example, were regarded by earlier Christians as sin. Today we may look on these as weaknesses of the will but certainly not sin. We even joke about our overeating and other indulgences instead of crying out to God in confession and repentance.

How has the western Church come to this point where we wink at things God has told us clearly are sins?

This is just one example showing the reason doubters and critics and 'revolutionaries' within the Church deserve our attention these days. The Church is complacent, too many patriarchs and matriarchs of the faith subordinate voices of concern and dissonance in their midst. More often than not, I think, the Holy Spirit is the drive behind those voices, and in the Church's complacency we don't recognize His voice anymore.

It's all too easy, but we can't let ourselves slip into the same complacency we're seeing all around us in Christianity these days. It's far too easy to go with the flow than it is to swim against it, but sometimes general consensus, the status quo, popular opinion, whatever you want to call it, can be rebellious and unholy, yes, even in the Church.

If you're concerned about the Body of Christ and feel God leading you to say something about it, don't let yourself be shamed or discouraged for doing so. If He calls you to shine a light on some of these neglected, unseemly sins that seem to be staring you in the face, then don't lose heart: Keep following His lead, keep listening to His voice, and keep shining that light. You're not alone.

 Let me share a joke I just heard, about burden-bearing:

A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly. It took his mother a while before she realized that the hymn was really "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear."

I'm quite discouraged. Another long-time member of my parents' church recently (just last week) referred to helping my Dad as "babysitting". I wonder if that's the predominant attitude about all this, as though Dad's heart, mind and soul are already lost, and it's just a crazy man who can't be by himself.

I'm just at the point where I don't know what to think anymore. So often it seems that we fit right into the James 2:15-16/1 John 3:17 scenario. So many people tell us they'll pray for us, but I wonder whether they actually do pray, and what they *really* think about my parents and our situation. And regardless of all that, their prayers are not backed up with tangible support anyway.

And I'm not talking about people who are burdened down with their own major struggles, but about those I've seen who do have the time to help but choose to spend it on watching television, going to the movies, hanging out with friends, playing video games, and so on. I just don't see how this is compatible with the Christian's calling in Romans 12 (v. 10-16). It's like the Christian life can so easily be compartmentalized... being spiritual and prayerful at church gatherings is fine, but then holding onto our "right" to fun, leisure and entertainment is also acceptable - even celebrated, because "God created fun" and we "deserve" it. How can the Body of Christ carry on this way without first making sure all of our members are cared for (1 Cor. 12:22-26/Gal. 6:9-10)?

I have no problem admitting that I used to be that way before my parents fell into this mess. Our struggle to find help revealed much selfishness and darkness in my own heart. But now that I've woken up to this in my own life, how do I live out Hebrews 10:24? I just wish the mature believers in our churches would realize it in themselves too, take that step of faith, turn their lives around and *truly* die to themselves every day the way Christ calls us to. Not just for my parents' sake, but for the sake of their relationship with God, and for all of the other people who could potentially be comforted and supported if only more of us Christians lived out the "always" in 1 Thess. 5:15.

How many of us praying, well-intentioned Christians are cross-eyed bears, and how many of us actually bear one another's burdens? How many of us truly bear the cross?

This is just my ongoing frustration with the culture of Christianity in North America as a whole. We're a long way off from Acts 2:44-47 these days, and I wish I knew how to help change that somehow.

I've realized a major change God has been working in my heart over the last couple years: Through my family's situation of need my eyes have been opened--literally for the first time--to Scripture passages about God's instructions to us about helping those in need. I've realized, and confirmed with a few theologians in personal conversations, that Scripture does lay out a clear path for us:

1) Give tangible help to those in our immediate and extended family who are vulnerable and needy

2) Give tangible help to members of our local congregation who are vulnerable and needy

3) Give tangible help to our family of believers who are spread around the world who are vulnerable and needy

4) Give tangible help to our unbelieving neighbours (locally and globally) who are also vulnerable and needy

The change that happened in me is a total reversal of my values. I used to be a lot more self-absorbed, into entertainment, spending a lot of time in my imagination, and tons of time doing goofy things with friends. Although these things are not intrinsically bad, I know that one day, after I'm no longer needed by my parents, I'm going to spend my free time helping others a great deal more than I will on the pursuit of happiness, diversions, entertainment, and so on. I know this because of how I feel these days when other people give up their leisure time to help my parents. They are an answer to our prayers, and one day I want to be the answer to many other peoples' prayers too.

This is just a little note to let you know you're often thought of with gratitude. Many are they who will give grand counsel and goodly advice without forsaking the pedestal of self-esteem. But there are so few, like you, who touch the hearts of anybodies and make them somebodies, who say, "I can feel your pain, may I share it?", who knit their lives to others for that brief time when care is needed most, who when his life path crosses another's, says, "let me help you for the span of time we walk together," forgiving and forgetting with a love that surpasses all but the divine.

For your encouragement and fellowship I will always be deeply grateful.

So ends a letter to my Dad from a gentleman many decades ago. The person he describes is the Dad I've known growing up - always fully and completely giving himself to others in their greatest moments of weakness and grief. Why is it that, after living a life like his and now in his greatest time of need, the majority of Christian acquaintances back out of Dad's life in fear, while those who embrace him with love are the exception? And is it any wonder that those of us who know and love Dad experience indignation when Christian leaders of my parents' church justify their own and their members' distance in their greatest time of need and loneliness?

Dad still has his ups and downs, but with taking less Dilantin per day (that's his seizure medication), his mind is not as foggy as it was before. He has been incredibly articulate at times, and all the normal dreams and hopes that we humans experience are being expressed by Dad clearer and more often these days. He desires to get better, to pick up his former profession of pastoring, to drive a car, to have friends who treat him like a normal human being who is worthy of respect and worth the time to visit. He wants to have adventures, to use his gifts for singing and counselling, to try new things like learning to use a digital camera and an accoustic guitar, to devote time to his interest in music, model trains, history, Scripture, and so on. What he needs are just a few more friends to help him reach up out of the fog and realize some of his ambitions. The possibilities, believe it or not, are numerous and attainable...

There is always more going on here, but I'll have to post about it another day. Thanks for checking in, and remember, your comments (and phone calls!) are always welcome.

Dad and I have been on the go ever since his change in medication! I never dreamt one less pill per day would translate into driving around the countryside, meeting new people, visiting old friends, getting to know my community, learning history, and going on photography jaunts day in and day out! It's pretty striking to see the difference in Dad now that he has less Dilantin clouding his mind. Dad's energy level, ambition, curiosity and rootedness in reality have skyrocketed during this time, which has really kept me on my toes. In the last few weeks Dad and I have frequented historical sites, attended cultural events, visited local tourist sites, and taken in free classical concerts. I have to say, I've really enjoyed myself, and my only major complaint is that I am no longer able to spend my days at home working on my thesis. The cost so far has been $1500, which I've spent on tuition fees just to be enrolled in school, while getting nothing done. What I desperately, desperately need is other people to come over and spend time with Dad a few hours in the morning. I just can't express how badly I need to redeem the rest of my school year. Why is it that so many people just don't seem to realize the cost of caregiving, and how life-changing their long-term help might be to caregivers? It's all good for people to tell me to depend on God, but we all know God isn't going to erase my school debt. Nor is He going to finish my thesis for me.

I've recently connected with Christians from a church my Dad formerly pastored. They actually just survived a much greater trauma than we are currently, so they know just how meaningful it is to have friends share in the task of burden-bearing. One of them has already spent a morning with Dad, and will be returning on a regular basis in order to offer respite to my Mom and me. We are extremely grateful to God for answering our prayers through this man! And the remarkable thing about his visits is that he drives 1.5 hours one way just to get here!

Meanwhile, my Clone and I have been planning dinner parties in order to resurrect my parents' social life and opportunities for meaningful fellowship and friendship. Mom is way too busy and tired to do this herself, but she has also admitted to being painfully lonely this year. So, Clone and I came up with a plan to organize small dinners for my parents and their friends from far and wide, one family at a time. We are thoroughly enjoying our interaction with the folks who've sat at my parents' table so far, and we look forward to many fun dinner parties in the weeks and months to come! We're also grateful for our family who've invited my parents to their place in the last few weeks; this gives us much-needed rest, and gives me snippets of time for my studies.

Speaking of which, I have a research ethics request form to finish. Thanks for dropping by!

[Encouragement] is the opposite of flattery, which uses words to entice and manipulate. The flatterer does not bother to discern the true character of the other person, but says whatever he must say to win the person over to his own designs. The gift of encouragement also differs from a mere pep talk that seeks to prop up the weary with positive generalizations. Instead, it sustains the person by observing his strengths, and affirming them in specific terms. -- From a Hebraic meditation

My family has been made 'weary' through the last several years of disability, unemployment, caregiving, isolation, financial struggles, emotional breakdowns, and physical and mental burnout.

Many people wonder how they can possibly encourage someone who's going through major difficulties, especially the kind that are not easy to identify with. Speaking on behalf of the 'weary', I wanted to share the quote above as a good first step in encouraging people around you who are facing major challenges.

"Coercion is just as harmful—and ineffective—in culture as in politics"

After twenty plus years of investment in political activism on the part of evangelical Christians, there is a new awareness that the dynamics of cultural renewal differ radically from political mobilization. Even political insiders recognize that years of political effort have generated little cultural benefit. American culture continues its precipitous decline into hedonistic consumer nihilism. Father Richard Neuhaus wrote in the April 2007 issue of First Things, “At the risk of generalization, I think it fair to say that Christianity in America is not challenging the ‘habits of the heart’ and ‘habits of mind’ that dominate American culture, meaning both the so-called high culture and the popular culture.”

...Politics reflects culture; it doesn’t direct it.

For the complete article by John Seel click title of this post.

~*~

I was first introduced to this woman over the radio, CBC Radio One, to be exact. Several days ago I was on the road running errands, and was listening to the CBC as I normally do when news of her passing, due to cancer, and an excerpt of her very last interview caught my attention. She was June Callwood, a famous Canadian author and activist, and the interviewer was George Stroumboulopoulos of CBC television's The Hour. I really was moved after listening to their interview on the radio; some of June's thoughts weaved their way in and out of my mind as I completed my errands, and came back to me when I returned home. So, I found the video version of this interview at YouTube and have posted it here because I'm really interested in your reactions to it.

In their conversation June and George touch on the nature of death, on preparing for it, and what lies next. Their interaction is so touching and involves issues so personal that I almost feel I'm eavesdropping on a private conversation between close friends. Watch the sensitivity in his eyes, and watch her eyes as well; I find that certain aspects of a person's soul just can't help but be revealed in their eyes as they consider human mortality.

Neither June nor George seem to have any religious beliefs beyond that postmodern ideal of subjective, personal 'spirituality', as far as I can tell, which makes the conversation all the more interesting to me. I honestly have to say, death isn't something I've thought to discuss with too many people, but it might be more interesting and less morbid than it seems.

June believes in 'dust to dust', and seems ready to move on. She speaks of planning for her death, and her 'to do lists' as she gets ready for it; she seems to have an enviable amount of humour left in her, especially for someone who is very aware of standing on death's doorstep. What really touched me was their conversation about her relationship with her husband of many decades, of the tenderness and special intimacy that enters marriage in the later years, of the priceless value of sticking to a marriage through thick and thin, and of having each other's well being at heart all the while. "Who's going to take care of him?" she wonders, thinking of her husband once she has passed away - it seems to have broken her heart, and it breaks mine as well. At the same time I wonder, why aren't more Christian marriages like hers?

"There's nothing next," she whispers thoughtfully, "and that's alright" she says, when George asks her about the afterlife. This really caught me off guard, actually. Asked whether she believes in God she responds, "I believe in kindness." I think back to C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity, (my recollection of which has become lamentably foggy since reading it 12 years ago), and wonder how anyone can believe in goodness, in conscience, and in right and wrong without taking that next logical step (in my mind, anyway) to finding the source of these things. I wonder what would lead someone to the conclusion that kindness will 'save the world'. Does the world really need saving if no God exists and everything is relative? What motivated her, as an agnostic or atheist, to spread kindness, love, and charity as far and wide throughout society as she possibly could? If she had met Jesus in person here on earth would she have recognized this - now personified - Kindness of which she spoke? ...And why did she evade his question about choosing not to have a funeral?

“I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do because our charitable expenditures excludes them.” — C.S. Lewis (1898-1963), English author and scholar

My family's disability and unemployment dilemma has forced perpetual growing pains on us over the last three years, and the growth spurt seems to be going strong. The first year challenged my parents to come to accept that mental illness had indeed changed our lives forever. After much struggle they came to accept that unemployment would be be an indefinite reality in Dad's life. Meanwhile, my brother made the decision to sacrifice his own immediate goals in order to financially support my family. All four of us were faced with heavier stress than we had ever experienced, and began the long hard road through depression, fear, conflict, anger, grief, and illness - learning stress-management the hard way.

The second year brought into focus our family's fear of reaching out for help, even to friends and other family members. Our path took us to the verge of emotional breakdown before that line was finally crossed. I'm still scratching my head over it, actually, wondering why anyone in our situation wouldn't immediately seek support from family and friends! Maybe the problem has been passed down to us through our heritage: Families with a Mennonite background come from a tradition of hardship and hard work, and therefore might resist asking for help within family, friends, and church groups because it could be perceived as challenging tradition; it may lead people to allow pride or shame (or both) to prevent them from seeking tangible assistance. Or perhaps the problem is rooted in our political hang-ups: While there is a contingent of Mennonites across North America who espouse social justice ideals, there is also a contingent espousing economically conservative views who are vocal in their distaste for individuals or families who require any kind of social assistance, both formal and informal. This may prevent those in need from asking for help because they fear the ways in which they might be perceived or stigmatized as being lazy, abusers of the system, moochers, or thieves. A third possibility may be a distorted understanding of ‘humility’ and 'self-sacrifice' within our belief system that prevents those in need from asking for help, even in times of mounting distress. People may experience guilt from the act of help-seeking, believing that they must ignore their problems in order to help others. Well, whatever the reason, it's a problem that my family finally overcame last year, albeit painfully and under a heavy sense of defeat and failure. The road to accepting our current situation with grace has been a gradual one.

We are currently in Year Three, and our challenge this year has been to distinguish "need" from "want". We've sifted through our so-called needs, we've sacrificed, we've re-prioritized the usual commodities and self-indulgences that define the Western lifestyle, and we've learned to live on less. Even for a lower-middle class family such as ourselves there are things we can and will give up that will help those who live in extreme poverty. My brother and I have been especially challenged to re-evaluate Scripture's teaching on the lifestyle of charity and giving. We have a more intimate grasp of C.S. Lewis' statement above, that "If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, (...) they are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do because our charitable expenditures excludes them." How terribly counter-culture that sounds, what a distinctly inconvenient, imbalanced, and extreme statement - not unlike Jesus' incitive teachings on love and sacrifice. ;) Lewis' conviction rings true in us regardless of how long or how deeply we may have bought into our culture's ideology of self-indulgence, because our conscience has always known the right and only way to love our neighbour. There's life in the pinch, especially if we choose to live without the extras so that others can have the basics to stay alive.

So, it looks like year three promises to bring another series of difficult, life-changing lessons. I think I'm looking forward to it.

This quote is from one of the most original, entertaining, and informative blogs I've come across during the last few yeas. The topic reflects a deeply-held passion of mine - the quest to avoid becoming a modern-day Pharisee. Part of the quote is posted here; visit the author's blog, BitterSweetLife, to find the rest:

Jesus brought his glory down here and set it loose among us, knowing full well that it would force us to confront the real shape of the world, which would force us in turn to see the real nature of God—to be jarred and horrified and amazed and overjoyed, and then to do the supernatural thing, and repent.

People who had spent their lives categorizing “righteousness” and sorting people into “clean” and “dirty” baskets were suddenly faced with the thing itself. God in person. Jesus on earth. Divine Law in radiant, abrasive human form.

Many of them preferred their religious micromanagement businesses and hurried away from Jesus to write venomous articles denouncing his frequenting of sports bars, and add a few more notches to the holy sticks they used to beat on people who “didn’t measure up” in any one of about a hundred ways.

I particularly enjoyed the 'religious micromanagement businesses' addition. More importantly, though, how do Christians pursue authentic, life-changing spiritual growth, challenge and encourage each other to do the same, and avoid neo-Phariseeism in the process?

Philippians 2:3b-4: "consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not [only] for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

Sometimes it feels as though a good 90% of our family and church communities are like the partiers inside this house: Engaged, included, comfortable, lighthearted and carefree. Because of my parents' financial and health situation, however, my immediate family cannot join in the festivities. Feeling somewhat isolated and lonely, we struggle through our challenges outside as we try not to peek through the window too often for fear that our feeble excuses for their distance and separation will begin to fracture, crumble, and crush our hearts in the process. Somewhere around 10% of those in our extended family and church communities take the time visit us outside, spend time with us, and shoulder our burdens with us now and then. Some of them actually connect with us on a regular basis and contribute quite a bit to our survival and well-being. The other 90% do know that we're out here; it's just that they don't have enough of a desire to come and see how we are doing, to shoulder our burdens with us, to find a way for us to join them...

I've recently been working on a paper for school about emotional, practical, and material support that is experienced by different ethnic groups from their extended family and church communities. One article outlines the experience of the African American community:

Historically, families and churches promoted and sustained Black community life, both during and following the period of slavery. (...) Currently, both families and churches perform a number of important functions that help to address several problematic issues facing Black families and communities. Family and church networks provide informal social support to address a variety of issues, including chronic poverty (Stack, 1974), coping with the loss of a loved one, providing assistance to those who are ill and disabled (Dilworth-Anderson, 1994; Dilworth-Anderson, Williams, & Cooper, 1999), the care and supervision of grandchildren (Burton, 1992; Burton, Dilworth-Anderson, & Merriwether-de Vries, 1995; Kivett, 1993; Minkler & Roe, 1993; Strom & Strom, 1993), and specifically, caring for the children of adolescent parents (Miller, 1994; Unger & Cooley, 1992).
Source: Chatters, L. M. et al. (2002). Patters of informal support from family and church members among African Americans. Journal of Black Studies, 33 (1), p. 66-85.

There are other ethnic communities out there that are very similar to the African American one when it comes to giving and receiving support within church and family circles. Mediterranean cultures are very similar in the way family and church combine to support one another in times of need - Greek and Italian cultures come to mind as an example. The culture of the American South seems to be similar. In the same way, Amish and Old Order Mennonite communities rally around each other through church and family networks. Chinese and other Asian cultures are usually more community-oriented as well. The main strength of these societies is that they seem to rally around each other without question - not just with the odd piece of advice, but with a true dedication to help each other through, or out of, any kind of challenging situation, whatever the cost. It's the kind of support that takes time, personal resources, energy, emotion, sacrifice, and hard work.

Other areas of the world seem to be far more individualistic and isolated from one another. Northern Europe as well as much of Canada and the northern US, for instance, have always struck me as colder places, not in terms of temperature, but in terms of extended families' and church members' relationships with one another. There's some kind of overzealous, self-destructive need for privacy, the kind that shields others out in times of distress, whether you're on the potential giving- or receiving-end of the needed help.

I've gone through some major moments of pain in the past, during which time I felt as though I was terribly alone, whether I was hanging out with my extended family or sitting in church on a Sunday morning. I have to admit that on more than one occasion I've considered submerging myself in one of the 'warmer' cultures that I've often envied. It isn't that I just want to feel like I'm surrounded by open, compassionate people who are willing to go the second mile with me; I want to learn how to take up that lifestyle myself as well. I want to see what it looks like to do away with timidity and self-indulgence, to live a lifestyle of giving, caring, and always 'being there' for people in my church and family community.

One European-heritage woman shared about the close connections in her family. An extended family member had a permanent disability, and - without thinking twice - she offered to care for this family member when the current caretakers became too old and weak for the task themselves. Everybody in her family does things like this for each other, she said, and she has felt shocked to learn of other families aren't nearly as close as hers.

When I heard her story I couldn't help but think of my Dad. What if something were to happen to Mom, my husband, my brother, or to me... I wish I could say with confidence that our church and extended family networks would be just as willing to care for my Dad the way the woman above is willing to care for her cousin. But I can't. A handful would try to help, definitely, but the majority would make sure they put enough distance between themselves and my family's need in order to protect their lifestyle from unnecessary disruption.

Mom's health is fragile, always has been, but she's caring for Dad 24/7 and the circles under her eyes are sinking deeper every day. The roller-coaster of stress, anxiety, restless nights, and depression that we all go through here is more than enough proof that we can't do this on our own. Yet for the most part we are doing this on our own. To be sure, there is certainly a solid handful of people (that committed 10%) who make their love and concern known to us in ways that make a huge difference - but in the larger context of our church and extended family networks the silence from everybody else is deafening. ...Sadly we do not come from a background like the African Americans, the Mediterraneans, the Amish/Old Order Mennonites, or the Asians.

What we could really use is people - family, church members, anybody - to come over, help us cook and clean, and encourage to Mom get to bed on time. We need people to sit down with Dad to help him learn the simple things that dementia has wiped from his mind, such as how to open and use his email account (because that's something Mom ends up spending several hours on each week), how to work the VCR, or how to otherwise re-sharpen his observational and memorizing skills. We could use friends to watch movies with us, visit with us, call us more often to ask how we're doing, help us all laugh more often, help us get a break from the situation, and let us know that we don't need to feel isolated anymore. We could also use financial help so that we don't sink further into debt while we wait for Dad's pension disability application to be approved, and while we wait for my husband to receive his open work permit so that I can finish school and get a real job as soon as possible.

What we could really use is a more authentic relationship with our church and family, the kind that doesn't gloss over or shy away from the ugliness and despair that life sometimes throws at us, the kind that doesn't bury its head in the sand, doesn't put on airs or wear a mask, but a real kind of relationship that isn't afraid to roll up its sleeves and put a hand to this plough that is too difficult for us to push on our own.

Sonnet, To Thomas Clarkson,
On the final passing of the Bill for the Abolition of the Slave Trade, March, 1807.
by William Wordsworth

Clarkson! it was an obstinate Hill to climb:
How toilsome, nay how dire it was, by Thee
Is known,—by none, perhaps, so feelingly;
But Thou, who, starting in thy fervent prime,
Didst first lead forth this pilgrimage sublime,
Hast heard the constant Voice its charge repeat,
Which, out of thy young heart’s oracular seat,
First roused thee.—O true yoke-fellow of Time
With unabating effort, see, the palm
Is won, and by all Nations shall be worn!
The bloody Writing is for ever torn,
And Thou henceforth wilt have a good Man’s calm,
A great Man’s happiness; thy zeal shall find
Repose at length, firm Friend of human kind!