Carol Kent's book dedication struck me between the eyes. She says:

This book is dedicated to our

"Stretcher Bearers"

and to all of you who take the time
to respond to the needs of others
by answering the question,
"How can I help with tangible encouragement?"

Our "Stretcher Bearers" became the
hands and feet of Jesus to us
when we ran out of resources.

You have modeled a lifestyle of giving

that has forever changed our lives.

Please hold Gene and me accountable

for "finishing well."

Then at the end of chapter 1 Carol Kent poses questions for the reader on issues like "unthinkable circumstances," prayer, and so on. The next question she asks is incredible:

Are you asking for help from other people? If not, what keeps you from asking? (Embarrassment and self-reliance are possibilities.) Carefully consider what might benefit you most right now (and at each stage of your journey through unthinkable circumstances): Professional advice? A shoulder to cry on (literally)? Help running errands or keeping your household or business in order? A weekend away? Financial support? Whom can you ask to help you get what you need?

I find these questions so stunning because of how strongly they go against the grain in some Christian circles. Asking for advice or a cup of sugar is one thing. Asking for someone's time, energy, or significant resources are quite another, especially if the situation makes them feel uncomfortable. Discomfort--that reason alone was enough for my parents' church leaders to defend the members' absence from our lives when we needed support and compassion the most.

In a capitalist and individualistic culture that prizes privacy and self-fulfillment, asking for these things may cost you dearly. You might even lose relationships along the way, even in your family or in your church. And if you ask more than once, you'll receive a stern warning about "depending on God for your needs, not on people." They'll try to give you the idea that asking people for help is shameful--sinful even--because it shows how little you trust God to provide for your needs.

Well, don't believe them.

There are countless examples through the Old and New Testaments showing God's desire for us to take action to help people in need. Here's one story from Scripture that gets little airtime from the pulpit:

Acts 6:1-7
In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, the Hellenistic Jews among them complained against the Hebraic Jews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food. So the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, “It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait on tables. Brothers and sisters, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word.”

This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; also Philip, Procorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas from Antioch, a convert to Judaism. They presented these men to the apostles, who prayed and laid their hands on them.

So the word of God spread. The number of disciples in Jerusalem increased rapidly, and a large number of priests became obedient to the faith.

The Greek-speaking Jews complained to church leaders because native Jewish widows in their group were getting food, and Greek-speaking widows were not.

Notice what the church leaders did NOT do in response:

• They didn't say, "Well, if the Greek-speaking widows aren't getting food, then it must be God's will."
• They didn't tell the Greek-speaking widows to put their "trust in God, not in man."
• They didn't make the Greek-speaking Jews feel less spiritual for making their complaint.
• They didn't say, "Well, you just have to understand that native Jews are uncomfortable around Greek-speaking Jews."

Notice what the church leaders DID do in response:

• They immediately met with each other to solve the problem.
• They recognized that the teachers among them already had a heavy work load.
• They chose believers from their congregation to fill this specific need.
• In short, they lived out the gospel!

Asking for help is not a sin. Be on your guard in case the spiritual leaders you trust try to tell you otherwise.

Christians ARE the hands and feet of Jesus in each others' lives, if God has given us a resource or skill to give, and IF we're willing to put others ahead of ourselves.

Stretcher Bearers... what a great concept. :)

 Let me share a joke I just heard, about burden-bearing:

A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly. It took his mother a while before she realized that the hymn was really "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear."

I'm quite discouraged. Another long-time member of my parents' church recently (just last week) referred to helping my Dad as "babysitting". I wonder if that's the predominant attitude about all this, as though Dad's heart, mind and soul are already lost, and it's just a crazy man who can't be by himself.

I'm just at the point where I don't know what to think anymore. So often it seems that we fit right into the James 2:15-16/1 John 3:17 scenario. So many people tell us they'll pray for us, but I wonder whether they actually do pray, and what they *really* think about my parents and our situation. And regardless of all that, their prayers are not backed up with tangible support anyway.

And I'm not talking about people who are burdened down with their own major struggles, but about those I've seen who do have the time to help but choose to spend it on watching television, going to the movies, hanging out with friends, playing video games, and so on. I just don't see how this is compatible with the Christian's calling in Romans 12 (v. 10-16). It's like the Christian life can so easily be compartmentalized... being spiritual and prayerful at church gatherings is fine, but then holding onto our "right" to fun, leisure and entertainment is also acceptable - even celebrated, because "God created fun" and we "deserve" it. How can the Body of Christ carry on this way without first making sure all of our members are cared for (1 Cor. 12:22-26/Gal. 6:9-10)?

I have no problem admitting that I used to be that way before my parents fell into this mess. Our struggle to find help revealed much selfishness and darkness in my own heart. But now that I've woken up to this in my own life, how do I live out Hebrews 10:24? I just wish the mature believers in our churches would realize it in themselves too, take that step of faith, turn their lives around and *truly* die to themselves every day the way Christ calls us to. Not just for my parents' sake, but for the sake of their relationship with God, and for all of the other people who could potentially be comforted and supported if only more of us Christians lived out the "always" in 1 Thess. 5:15.

How many of us praying, well-intentioned Christians are cross-eyed bears, and how many of us actually bear one another's burdens? How many of us truly bear the cross?

This is just my ongoing frustration with the culture of Christianity in North America as a whole. We're a long way off from Acts 2:44-47 these days, and I wish I knew how to help change that somehow.

I've realized a major change God has been working in my heart over the last couple years: Through my family's situation of need my eyes have been opened--literally for the first time--to Scripture passages about God's instructions to us about helping those in need. I've realized, and confirmed with a few theologians in personal conversations, that Scripture does lay out a clear path for us:

1) Give tangible help to those in our immediate and extended family who are vulnerable and needy

2) Give tangible help to members of our local congregation who are vulnerable and needy

3) Give tangible help to our family of believers who are spread around the world who are vulnerable and needy

4) Give tangible help to our unbelieving neighbours (locally and globally) who are also vulnerable and needy

The change that happened in me is a total reversal of my values. I used to be a lot more self-absorbed, into entertainment, spending a lot of time in my imagination, and tons of time doing goofy things with friends. Although these things are not intrinsically bad, I know that one day, after I'm no longer needed by my parents, I'm going to spend my free time helping others a great deal more than I will on the pursuit of happiness, diversions, entertainment, and so on. I know this because of how I feel these days when other people give up their leisure time to help my parents. They are an answer to our prayers, and one day I want to be the answer to many other peoples' prayers too.

This is just a little note to let you know you're often thought of with gratitude. Many are they who will give grand counsel and goodly advice without forsaking the pedestal of self-esteem. But there are so few, like you, who touch the hearts of anybodies and make them somebodies, who say, "I can feel your pain, may I share it?", who knit their lives to others for that brief time when care is needed most, who when his life path crosses another's, says, "let me help you for the span of time we walk together," forgiving and forgetting with a love that surpasses all but the divine.

For your encouragement and fellowship I will always be deeply grateful.

So ends a letter to my Dad from a gentleman many decades ago. The person he describes is the Dad I've known growing up - always fully and completely giving himself to others in their greatest moments of weakness and grief. Why is it that, after living a life like his and now in his greatest time of need, the majority of Christian acquaintances back out of Dad's life in fear, while those who embrace him with love are the exception? And is it any wonder that those of us who know and love Dad experience indignation when Christian leaders of my parents' church justify their own and their members' distance in their greatest time of need and loneliness?

Dad still has his ups and downs, but with taking less Dilantin per day (that's his seizure medication), his mind is not as foggy as it was before. He has been incredibly articulate at times, and all the normal dreams and hopes that we humans experience are being expressed by Dad clearer and more often these days. He desires to get better, to pick up his former profession of pastoring, to drive a car, to have friends who treat him like a normal human being who is worthy of respect and worth the time to visit. He wants to have adventures, to use his gifts for singing and counselling, to try new things like learning to use a digital camera and an accoustic guitar, to devote time to his interest in music, model trains, history, Scripture, and so on. What he needs are just a few more friends to help him reach up out of the fog and realize some of his ambitions. The possibilities, believe it or not, are numerous and attainable...

There is always more going on here, but I'll have to post about it another day. Thanks for checking in, and remember, your comments (and phone calls!) are always welcome.

Dad and I have been on the go ever since his change in medication! I never dreamt one less pill per day would translate into driving around the countryside, meeting new people, visiting old friends, getting to know my community, learning history, and going on photography jaunts day in and day out! It's pretty striking to see the difference in Dad now that he has less Dilantin clouding his mind. Dad's energy level, ambition, curiosity and rootedness in reality have skyrocketed during this time, which has really kept me on my toes. In the last few weeks Dad and I have frequented historical sites, attended cultural events, visited local tourist sites, and taken in free classical concerts. I have to say, I've really enjoyed myself, and my only major complaint is that I am no longer able to spend my days at home working on my thesis. The cost so far has been $1500, which I've spent on tuition fees just to be enrolled in school, while getting nothing done. What I desperately, desperately need is other people to come over and spend time with Dad a few hours in the morning. I just can't express how badly I need to redeem the rest of my school year. Why is it that so many people just don't seem to realize the cost of caregiving, and how life-changing their long-term help might be to caregivers? It's all good for people to tell me to depend on God, but we all know God isn't going to erase my school debt. Nor is He going to finish my thesis for me.

I've recently connected with Christians from a church my Dad formerly pastored. They actually just survived a much greater trauma than we are currently, so they know just how meaningful it is to have friends share in the task of burden-bearing. One of them has already spent a morning with Dad, and will be returning on a regular basis in order to offer respite to my Mom and me. We are extremely grateful to God for answering our prayers through this man! And the remarkable thing about his visits is that he drives 1.5 hours one way just to get here!

Meanwhile, my Clone and I have been planning dinner parties in order to resurrect my parents' social life and opportunities for meaningful fellowship and friendship. Mom is way too busy and tired to do this herself, but she has also admitted to being painfully lonely this year. So, Clone and I came up with a plan to organize small dinners for my parents and their friends from far and wide, one family at a time. We are thoroughly enjoying our interaction with the folks who've sat at my parents' table so far, and we look forward to many fun dinner parties in the weeks and months to come! We're also grateful for our family who've invited my parents to their place in the last few weeks; this gives us much-needed rest, and gives me snippets of time for my studies.

Speaking of which, I have a research ethics request form to finish. Thanks for dropping by!

Our doctor recently ordered that my Dad's intake of Dilantin medication be reduced. Dilantin is an anti-epileptic/anti-convulsant drug which Dad has needed since his first seizure a year ago September. One of its common side-effects, which is really unfortunate for people trying to cope with dementia, is mental cloudiness and confusion. It has made life more difficult for Dad than it needed to be, and for us - his caregivers - as well.

Within the last couple weeks we heard from our doctor that Dad should be administered one less Dliantin pill per day, and both Mom and I have been surprised at the results. On the negative side, Dad experiences tremmors in his arms and legs because of the reduced level of Dilantin in his system. But the positive changes have been the most outstanding. It's his increased mental clarity that has encouraged him and us! How does this look in real life? He's able to buckle himself up in the car without incident, and is able to find the car door handle most of the time. He wasn't able to do these things before his Dilantin reduction. He is much more articulate, using more sophisticated words and expressing himself a little faster and more clearly. Since starting on Dilantin Dad has woken up and wandered throughout the apartment several times every night, always watched by Mom to make sure he didn't get lost. With the reduction in Dilantin, his nightly wandering routine has shortened; Mom says getting him back to bed is easier now. He is also more self-aware, and aware of his health situation. He is slightly more able to reason, and is also a little better at holding his own in a conversation. He isn't recovered, mind you. But any improvement is worth celebrating, especially when we feel like we've gotten a little piece of our Dad back, and Dad feels more empowered to hope.

Tonight we had my parents and other family members over for a low-key dinner. Before heading out the door, Dad turned around and said to our guests, "You know, I want to tell you something," and proceeded to share his joy and optimism at these recent improvements in his life. It's a joyful point in a painful, exhausting roller-coaster. So we cling to moments like these.

I was first introduced to this woman over the radio, CBC Radio One, to be exact. Several days ago I was on the road running errands, and was listening to the CBC as I normally do when news of her passing, due to cancer, and an excerpt of her very last interview caught my attention. She was June Callwood, a famous Canadian author and activist, and the interviewer was George Stroumboulopoulos of CBC television's The Hour. I really was moved after listening to their interview on the radio; some of June's thoughts weaved their way in and out of my mind as I completed my errands, and came back to me when I returned home. So, I found the video version of this interview at YouTube and have posted it here because I'm really interested in your reactions to it.

In their conversation June and George touch on the nature of death, on preparing for it, and what lies next. Their interaction is so touching and involves issues so personal that I almost feel I'm eavesdropping on a private conversation between close friends. Watch the sensitivity in his eyes, and watch her eyes as well; I find that certain aspects of a person's soul just can't help but be revealed in their eyes as they consider human mortality.

Neither June nor George seem to have any religious beliefs beyond that postmodern ideal of subjective, personal 'spirituality', as far as I can tell, which makes the conversation all the more interesting to me. I honestly have to say, death isn't something I've thought to discuss with too many people, but it might be more interesting and less morbid than it seems.

June believes in 'dust to dust', and seems ready to move on. She speaks of planning for her death, and her 'to do lists' as she gets ready for it; she seems to have an enviable amount of humour left in her, especially for someone who is very aware of standing on death's doorstep. What really touched me was their conversation about her relationship with her husband of many decades, of the tenderness and special intimacy that enters marriage in the later years, of the priceless value of sticking to a marriage through thick and thin, and of having each other's well being at heart all the while. "Who's going to take care of him?" she wonders, thinking of her husband once she has passed away - it seems to have broken her heart, and it breaks mine as well. At the same time I wonder, why aren't more Christian marriages like hers?

"There's nothing next," she whispers thoughtfully, "and that's alright" she says, when George asks her about the afterlife. This really caught me off guard, actually. Asked whether she believes in God she responds, "I believe in kindness." I think back to C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity, (my recollection of which has become lamentably foggy since reading it 12 years ago), and wonder how anyone can believe in goodness, in conscience, and in right and wrong without taking that next logical step (in my mind, anyway) to finding the source of these things. I wonder what would lead someone to the conclusion that kindness will 'save the world'. Does the world really need saving if no God exists and everything is relative? What motivated her, as an agnostic or atheist, to spread kindness, love, and charity as far and wide throughout society as she possibly could? If she had met Jesus in person here on earth would she have recognized this - now personified - Kindness of which she spoke? ...And why did she evade his question about choosing not to have a funeral?

"Find out how much God has given you and from it take what you need; the remainder is needed by others." — Saint Augustine

There's no doubt each of us defines "need" differently, but Saint Augustine's sentiment can still inspire us to reconsider our 'needs' and 'wants' from day to day. An old conversation about money was recently revived at an online community at which I'm a member, which forced me to further evaluate my take on the matter. The member who originally started the topic wrote:

how & what did your parents teach you about the value of money?

My parents taught me to be responsible, not to put something on credit if we can't already afford it (that's assuming one isn't in a desperate situation with no other option), to treat ourselves once in a while without going overboard, to keep the cheque-book balanced and to pay bills on time, that extravagance is waste (i.e. *our* definition of extravagance, which is still very subjective), to tithe regularly, to be generous in helping others while saving for the future... My Grandpa actually taught me that last point by example too - he owned his own business for many years, and as a result he would often pay people above and beyond their fee for services (i.e. if they did a great job) and did on occasion offer someone a job specifically because he knew that person was in need. :)

However, through my parents' situation of long-term illness and subsequent unemployment over the last three years I've learned a whole *new* batch of lessons about money, possessions, and materialism. It's a new time of growth for me, because it's really the first time I've taken a good, long look at my beliefs on this. My family has recently learned to live without many things that we used to take for granted (e.g. cable tv, vacations and travelling, heat to keep us warm during Canadian winters, renting movies, expensive groceries like cheese and honey, new CDs, going to theatres, eating out at restaurants, and more). Sometimes we weren't able to pay our monthly bills, and during those dark days I had times where I felt as though I was drowning or almost as if I was being squeezed and was running out of oxygen. Very frightening at times. :(

Meanwhile, we heard how wealthier Christians were spending their money and I wondered: If they could just be happy with what they already have, pass up buying that next new whatever, and gift those savings to my parents instead... they have no idea how they could reduce my family's anxiety, restless nights, and tears.

I've been forced to face my own views on spending, and have slowly come to the decision to live with less - not to feel morally superior, but to prevent others from feeling as though they're drowning or running out of air in a situation they cannot escape on their own. Unfortunately these thoughts have taken a long time for me to learn, but I'm glad to have the chance to learn them at all!

Back to the original question, the same member asked us:

how do you view:
money - in general,
opportunities in which much money is earned,
ambition...what's healthy?

Considering everything I've learned over the years, especially through the hand my family has recently been dealt, my answer would have to be:

a) money is a gift and a tool we've been given, which is to be used wisely

b) opportunities to earn money - great! go for it! work hard, earn the big bucks (Schillings, Pounds, Euros, Yen, or whatever the case may be), take what you need, as St. Augustine wrote, and be generous with the rest

c) regarding ambition, if God gives us skills, knowledge, and opportunities to use them - then go for it! Dedicate them to work and to *other* pursuits as well (e.g. volunteering), and keep Love as the primary motivation behind it all.

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Philippians 2:3b-4: "consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not [only] for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

Sometimes it feels as though a good 90% of our family and church communities are like the partiers inside this house: Engaged, included, comfortable, lighthearted and carefree. Because of my parents' financial and health situation, however, my immediate family cannot join in the festivities. Feeling somewhat isolated and lonely, we struggle through our challenges outside as we try not to peek through the window too often for fear that our feeble excuses for their distance and separation will begin to fracture, crumble, and crush our hearts in the process. Somewhere around 10% of those in our extended family and church communities take the time visit us outside, spend time with us, and shoulder our burdens with us now and then. Some of them actually connect with us on a regular basis and contribute quite a bit to our survival and well-being. The other 90% do know that we're out here; it's just that they don't have enough of a desire to come and see how we are doing, to shoulder our burdens with us, to find a way for us to join them...

I've recently been working on a paper for school about emotional, practical, and material support that is experienced by different ethnic groups from their extended family and church communities. One article outlines the experience of the African American community:

Historically, families and churches promoted and sustained Black community life, both during and following the period of slavery. (...) Currently, both families and churches perform a number of important functions that help to address several problematic issues facing Black families and communities. Family and church networks provide informal social support to address a variety of issues, including chronic poverty (Stack, 1974), coping with the loss of a loved one, providing assistance to those who are ill and disabled (Dilworth-Anderson, 1994; Dilworth-Anderson, Williams, & Cooper, 1999), the care and supervision of grandchildren (Burton, 1992; Burton, Dilworth-Anderson, & Merriwether-de Vries, 1995; Kivett, 1993; Minkler & Roe, 1993; Strom & Strom, 1993), and specifically, caring for the children of adolescent parents (Miller, 1994; Unger & Cooley, 1992).
Source: Chatters, L. M. et al. (2002). Patters of informal support from family and church members among African Americans. Journal of Black Studies, 33 (1), p. 66-85.

There are other ethnic communities out there that are very similar to the African American one when it comes to giving and receiving support within church and family circles. Mediterranean cultures are very similar in the way family and church combine to support one another in times of need - Greek and Italian cultures come to mind as an example. The culture of the American South seems to be similar. In the same way, Amish and Old Order Mennonite communities rally around each other through church and family networks. Chinese and other Asian cultures are usually more community-oriented as well. The main strength of these societies is that they seem to rally around each other without question - not just with the odd piece of advice, but with a true dedication to help each other through, or out of, any kind of challenging situation, whatever the cost. It's the kind of support that takes time, personal resources, energy, emotion, sacrifice, and hard work.

Other areas of the world seem to be far more individualistic and isolated from one another. Northern Europe as well as much of Canada and the northern US, for instance, have always struck me as colder places, not in terms of temperature, but in terms of extended families' and church members' relationships with one another. There's some kind of overzealous, self-destructive need for privacy, the kind that shields others out in times of distress, whether you're on the potential giving- or receiving-end of the needed help.

I've gone through some major moments of pain in the past, during which time I felt as though I was terribly alone, whether I was hanging out with my extended family or sitting in church on a Sunday morning. I have to admit that on more than one occasion I've considered submerging myself in one of the 'warmer' cultures that I've often envied. It isn't that I just want to feel like I'm surrounded by open, compassionate people who are willing to go the second mile with me; I want to learn how to take up that lifestyle myself as well. I want to see what it looks like to do away with timidity and self-indulgence, to live a lifestyle of giving, caring, and always 'being there' for people in my church and family community.

One European-heritage woman shared about the close connections in her family. An extended family member had a permanent disability, and - without thinking twice - she offered to care for this family member when the current caretakers became too old and weak for the task themselves. Everybody in her family does things like this for each other, she said, and she has felt shocked to learn of other families aren't nearly as close as hers.

When I heard her story I couldn't help but think of my Dad. What if something were to happen to Mom, my husband, my brother, or to me... I wish I could say with confidence that our church and extended family networks would be just as willing to care for my Dad the way the woman above is willing to care for her cousin. But I can't. A handful would try to help, definitely, but the majority would make sure they put enough distance between themselves and my family's need in order to protect their lifestyle from unnecessary disruption.

Mom's health is fragile, always has been, but she's caring for Dad 24/7 and the circles under her eyes are sinking deeper every day. The roller-coaster of stress, anxiety, restless nights, and depression that we all go through here is more than enough proof that we can't do this on our own. Yet for the most part we are doing this on our own. To be sure, there is certainly a solid handful of people (that committed 10%) who make their love and concern known to us in ways that make a huge difference - but in the larger context of our church and extended family networks the silence from everybody else is deafening. ...Sadly we do not come from a background like the African Americans, the Mediterraneans, the Amish/Old Order Mennonites, or the Asians.

What we could really use is people - family, church members, anybody - to come over, help us cook and clean, and encourage to Mom get to bed on time. We need people to sit down with Dad to help him learn the simple things that dementia has wiped from his mind, such as how to open and use his email account (because that's something Mom ends up spending several hours on each week), how to work the VCR, or how to otherwise re-sharpen his observational and memorizing skills. We could use friends to watch movies with us, visit with us, call us more often to ask how we're doing, help us all laugh more often, help us get a break from the situation, and let us know that we don't need to feel isolated anymore. We could also use financial help so that we don't sink further into debt while we wait for Dad's pension disability application to be approved, and while we wait for my husband to receive his open work permit so that I can finish school and get a real job as soon as possible.

What we could really use is a more authentic relationship with our church and family, the kind that doesn't gloss over or shy away from the ugliness and despair that life sometimes throws at us, the kind that doesn't bury its head in the sand, doesn't put on airs or wear a mask, but a real kind of relationship that isn't afraid to roll up its sleeves and put a hand to this plough that is too difficult for us to push on our own.

"An observer can see that nothing is started with such high hopes and shining expectations, yet fails as regularly as romantic love in marriage... But why does love so often fail? Surely it is because the 'lovers' have no clear understanding of what love is and is not; they do not know how to love; and in many cases they have never made the commitment to love," (Wheat, 1980, p. 46).

Dr. Wheat's message is that the kind of love explained in the Bible - the kind of love lived out by Christ while he was on earth - has turned his marriage, and the marriages of many other couples right-side up. Relationships that were once dead and on the brink of divorce have found renewed life and a deeper love than they had ever experienced. Below are some Biblical truths about real love that can breathe life back into a marriage, dating relationship, or any kind of relationship for that matter:

Love Understood
☼ Real love is not mysterious or irrational
☼ I can understand what love is through the word of God

☼ Real love is not an uncontrollable feeling
☼ Love is an active power to be controlled by the will

☼ Love is not a simple, easy doing what comes naturally
☼ Love is always a choice backed up by action
☼ Love is costly even when the giving is pure joy

Love Empowered
☼ I can choose to love
☼ I can learn the art of loving

Love Acquired
☼ Real love is not produced by trying to attract it
☼ I can produce love by giving it first and giving it wisely

Love in Action
☼ Love recognizes a unique value in the beloved
☼ Love chooses to affirm the value of the beloved always
☼ Love consistently does the best for the beloved

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Reference:

Wheat, E. & Okes Perkins, G. (1980). Love life for every married couple: How to fall in love, stay in love, rekindle your love. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.