In Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate, Jerry Bridges gently focuses our attention on widespread sins in the church. Not only are they common, but they also go unchecked.

Bridges’ confession

Before expanding on these sins, though, he makes a confession to his readers: He’s not perfect, he has committed many of these sins over the years and he doesn’t pretend to be any better or holier than the rest of us.

He makes this confession right at the start, helping readers to understand his humble attitude while writing this book, which ultimately helps us to accept what he has to say about these sins.

Seasoned Christians still have room to grow

Next, Bridges walks us through those familiar Bible verses about sin, salvation and grace. He knows he’s talking to people who’ve heard these things a million times, but he reframes them to help us see ourselves—that is, lifelong Christians who think we’ve got this faith thing all worked out—in the centre of God’s plan of salvation.

Even now, as seasoned believers, with years of Sunday services under our belts, countless worship songs sung, who knows how many prayers said, devotions read and volunteer hours logged, we're still sinners in need of God’s grace who have lots of room left to grow.

Down to the nitty-gritty: Sins Christians tolerate

Bridges covers everything from anger, judgmentalism, anxiety and impatience to worldliness, pride, selfishness and lack of self-control.

Sometimes we Christians purposely ignore these 'respectable' sins. Sometimes we just don't take them seriously. Gossip and materialism are a couple examples of this.

Other times these sins are winked at or they’re the subject of jokes. I can think of a few, but I’m curious which sins you (reading this review) would file under this category?

Bridges hits the mark

I’ve grown up in the church and consider myself to have been a believer most of my life, (You know, the ‘asked Jesus into my heart at age 6’ story), and I’ve seen each and every one of these sins in myself and in most ‘mature’ Christians around me.

Some of them, like materialism and selfishness, are shied away from in sermons, Bible studies, devotionals and especially in conversation with one another. We’re so hardwired from birth to practically idolize individualism, privacy and a citizen’s ‘rights’ to do whatever he wants with his money that we hardly distinguish them from the true sins of materialism and selfishness that God’s Word tries to guide us away from.

Other sins, like anger, are sometimes wrongly interpreted. I’ve been angered by serious sin in the church (e.g. putting personal comfort over helping a neighbor in need), and for that I have been accused of the ‘sin’ of anger. We Christians don’t know the difference between good anger (e.g. at cruel injustice) and sinful anger.

Bridges also missed a few biggies

Bridges really does justice to most sins that we Christians often let slide. He invites the reader, after reviewing each issue, to consider instances in our own lives where we have committed those sins and how we can return to a belief and a lifestyle more reflective of God’s desire for us, His Bride.

There are a few sins, though, I wish he had mentioned.

Love your neighbor: We don’t do it
The second commandment, to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, seems like a biggie in Scripture. And yet, growing up I’ve witnessed countless times when Christians have refused to help a fellow Christian in need.

Not helping one’s neighbor is often made to seem acceptable with the false teaching that people must suffer in silence, without asking for help, in order to prove that they’re trusting God. Scripture, on the other hand, is full of commands and examples of Christians tangibly helping one another and that this is linked to proof of our salvation. (See John Piper’s sermon on this.)

Church: The old boys’ club
I’ve gotta be honest. Sometimes the church resembles an old boys’ club more than a family of mature, caring believers who actually live by integrity. I’ve seen ‘mature’ Christians cover up fellow Christians’ sins and paving the way for that sin to continue. They also attacked anyone who brought those sins into the light.

Take the sexual abuse of children by clergy and other church leaders, for example. Consider the lengths to which ‘mature’ Christians have gone to cover up those sins, regardless of the fact that known pedophiles were free to continue abusing children because of the community’s collective will to keep it all quiet.

Accountability: Who's it for anyway?
Often the church patriarchs and matriarchs consider themselves above accountability. Their age and status in the community gives them a kind of immunity from it.

Jesus and Paul’s clear instructions to deal with sin and conflict in the church (Matt. 5:23-24; Matt. 18:15-17, 1 Cor. 5: 11-13) are only applied to hot button sins (e.g. divorce, premarital sex, challenging ‘authority,’ etc.). These sins are loudly preached against and the people who committ them are publicly disciplined, cast out, or otherwise raked over the coals.

What about extreme sins, like when missionaries and elders and pastors rape children? No, we’re told, we must pray for those leaders and do nothing more. If we break the code of silence, we’re accused of the sin of judgmentalism, vengeance, anger and so forth.

You know in some ways, the Church is seriously screwed up. That’s why these are some of the very deep and dangerous sins I wish Bridges had covered in his otherwise stellar work.

4.5 out of 5

Overall, the book was a huge encouragement to me, in that Bridges’ gentle treatment of these common sins paints a bright, uplifting picture of what the Church can become if we simply want to. All we need is to humble ourselves—I mean totally forget our privilege, status and years of service—and decide that our lives will not be a breeding ground for these sins anymore.

No sin is respectable.

Speaking of respect, it isn’t easy taking on the attitudes of overly comfortable Christians. I respect Jerry Bridges for the courage to share this unpopular yet urgently needed message with us.

--- Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NavPress Publishers as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commision's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Carol Kent's book dedication struck me between the eyes. She says:

This book is dedicated to our

"Stretcher Bearers"

and to all of you who take the time
to respond to the needs of others
by answering the question,
"How can I help with tangible encouragement?"

Our "Stretcher Bearers" became the
hands and feet of Jesus to us
when we ran out of resources.

You have modeled a lifestyle of giving

that has forever changed our lives.

Please hold Gene and me accountable

for "finishing well."

Then at the end of chapter 1 Carol Kent poses questions for the reader on issues like "unthinkable circumstances," prayer, and so on. The next question she asks is incredible:

Are you asking for help from other people? If not, what keeps you from asking? (Embarrassment and self-reliance are possibilities.) Carefully consider what might benefit you most right now (and at each stage of your journey through unthinkable circumstances): Professional advice? A shoulder to cry on (literally)? Help running errands or keeping your household or business in order? A weekend away? Financial support? Whom can you ask to help you get what you need?

I find these questions so stunning because of how strongly they go against the grain in some Christian circles. Asking for advice or a cup of sugar is one thing. Asking for someone's time, energy, or significant resources are quite another, especially if the situation makes them feel uncomfortable. Discomfort--that reason alone was enough for my parents' church leaders to defend the members' absence from our lives when we needed support and compassion the most.

In a capitalist and individualistic culture that prizes privacy and self-fulfillment, asking for these things may cost you dearly. You might even lose relationships along the way, even in your family or in your church. And if you ask more than once, you'll receive a stern warning about "depending on God for your needs, not on people." They'll try to give you the idea that asking people for help is shameful--sinful even--because it shows how little you trust God to provide for your needs.

Well, don't believe them.

There are countless examples through the Old and New Testaments showing God's desire for us to take action to help people in need. Here's one story from Scripture that gets little airtime from the pulpit:

Acts 6:1-7
In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, the Hellenistic Jews among them complained against the Hebraic Jews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food. So the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, “It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait on tables. Brothers and sisters, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word.”

This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; also Philip, Procorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas from Antioch, a convert to Judaism. They presented these men to the apostles, who prayed and laid their hands on them.

So the word of God spread. The number of disciples in Jerusalem increased rapidly, and a large number of priests became obedient to the faith.

The Greek-speaking Jews complained to church leaders because native Jewish widows in their group were getting food, and Greek-speaking widows were not.

Notice what the church leaders did NOT do in response:

• They didn't say, "Well, if the Greek-speaking widows aren't getting food, then it must be God's will."
• They didn't tell the Greek-speaking widows to put their "trust in God, not in man."
• They didn't make the Greek-speaking Jews feel less spiritual for making their complaint.
• They didn't say, "Well, you just have to understand that native Jews are uncomfortable around Greek-speaking Jews."

Notice what the church leaders DID do in response:

• They immediately met with each other to solve the problem.
• They recognized that the teachers among them already had a heavy work load.
• They chose believers from their congregation to fill this specific need.
• In short, they lived out the gospel!

Asking for help is not a sin. Be on your guard in case the spiritual leaders you trust try to tell you otherwise.

Christians ARE the hands and feet of Jesus in each others' lives, if God has given us a resource or skill to give, and IF we're willing to put others ahead of ourselves.

Stretcher Bearers... what a great concept. :)

Sonnet, To Thomas Clarkson,
On the final passing of the Bill for the Abolition of the Slave Trade, March, 1807.
by William Wordsworth

Clarkson! it was an obstinate Hill to climb:
How toilsome, nay how dire it was, by Thee
Is known,—by none, perhaps, so feelingly;
But Thou, who, starting in thy fervent prime,
Didst first lead forth this pilgrimage sublime,
Hast heard the constant Voice its charge repeat,
Which, out of thy young heart’s oracular seat,
First roused thee.—O true yoke-fellow of Time
With unabating effort, see, the palm
Is won, and by all Nations shall be worn!
The bloody Writing is for ever torn,
And Thou henceforth wilt have a good Man’s calm,
A great Man’s happiness; thy zeal shall find
Repose at length, firm Friend of human kind!

It's always an adventure to be in a position where one's decisions as a leader affect an entire community. You have supporters on one hand and opponents on the other who remain your constant companions as long as you're the Decision-Maker. Whether you choose right or left, yellow or green, regular or unleaded - your supporters will be ready to pat you on the back, while the others draft the next round of expostulations. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like for politicians, judges, or CEOs of major companies where significant resources or even people's lives are riding on the decisions they make from day to day. Talk about Ulcer City!!

For some reason I've become acutely attuned to examples of leadership in my surroundings. For instance, what catches my attention in church? The leadership team - the pastor, elders, administrators, and those who run various programs and have had to make tough decisions from time to time. What would I do if I were in their shoes and had an important choice to make? What options would be available to me? What should influence my decision? How would I handle dissent? I watch them, and I learn somewhat, although I don't learn nearly as much by observing as I would if I had a mentor to walk with me on my own journey of leadership.

Politicians have also caused me to reflect on the dynamics of leadership. Whether I agree with a politician's decisions or not, I know that the job itself must be incredibly tough. When you've got powerful people pushing and tugging you in all sorts of directions how do you even find time to stop and think things through? As I watch politicians make decisions I see some sway back and forth with public opinion, others stick hard and fast to their objectives, and often there's a delicate compromise of the two. Sometimes voters do indeed know what they're talking about and politicians need to be responsive to the public's voice. At other times a politician will have more information and a more objective grasp on a given issue, and must stick to his/her guns. In the meantime, short of publishing a line of hilarious comic books that poke fun at politicians, a politician couldn't hope to make everybody happy. How do they deal with the pressure, besides indulging in gourmet dinners, fancy diplomatic vacations, or de-stressing in a trendy yoga studio? OK, enough with the jokes. Leadership - it's tough!!

Even television shows like Babylon 5, Star Trek Voyager, and 24 have recently taught me about leadership and tough decisions. For example, when Captain Sheridan mediates arguments between irate diplomats on Babylon 5 I marvel at his ability to think on his feet and guide everyone to the best solution. When he receives orders from a corrupt Senator I admire the way his integrity and creativity lead him to find an alternative.

So what does it take to have the backbone and confidence to make it through sticky and unenviable positions as a leader?

For one, you have to rely on the right advisers. No matter who you are you'll need advice to deal with tough choices, and you'll definitely want wise, thoughtful, and mature advisers to support you when you need them most.

It also helps to know the difference between humility and timidity. Humility in leadership would include recognizing your limitations, knowing that you need to be challenged by advisers and people you trust, and being able to admit when you've made a mistake. Timidity in leadership would include second-guessing yourself too often, relying on others to make your decisions for you, deflecting the responsibility (and the heat) for unpopular but necessary decisions, and being swayed by intimidation. Humility is definitely the way to go.

A third resource for leaders is knowledge; they say knowledge is power, and (whoever 'they' are) they're right. If you don't have enough information to make a decision then do some research and apply a little critical thinking. Work it out on paper if that helps. The more we develop our information-gathering and problem-solving skills, the quicker and more naturally those skills will return to us when we need them down the road.

Next comes integrity. Be responsible, honest, fair, respectful, and stand by your convictions, come hell or high water. Also, practise what you preach. E.g. If parents enforce a "no cookies before dinner" rule on their children, then they ought to follow that rule themselves. Same thing goes for leaders.

And my last pearl of wisdom, for now, is authenticity. Here and there over the years I've felt the pressure to perform, to take on a personality style that isn't mine because I felt it was expected from someone in my role, whatever role that happened to be at the time. But I learned that giving in to this pressure is exhausting and risky. Sooner or later people will see through the disguise, and the very fact that they detect your disguise will be cause for them to doubt your credibility. So be genuine and be yourself - it'll count towards you in the long run.

I'm sure if you Googled "leadership" - (by the way, I hereby declare 'Googled' a verb) - you'd find TONS of websites outlining the virtues and characteristics of good leadership. But that's not the point of this post. When I put together an online community for cross-cultural families I had no idea what I was getting into; all I could do was follow my vision. I'm thankful for all that I've learned about leadership so far, and would absolutely LOVE to have a mentor (besides Captain Sheridan, Captain Janeway, or Prime Minister Harper) who could walk beside me through future learning moments as I carry on with the task of leadership.