In Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate, Jerry Bridges gently focuses our attention on widespread sins in the church. Not only are they common, but they also go unchecked.

Bridges’ confession

Before expanding on these sins, though, he makes a confession to his readers: He’s not perfect, he has committed many of these sins over the years and he doesn’t pretend to be any better or holier than the rest of us.

He makes this confession right at the start, helping readers to understand his humble attitude while writing this book, which ultimately helps us to accept what he has to say about these sins.

Seasoned Christians still have room to grow

Next, Bridges walks us through those familiar Bible verses about sin, salvation and grace. He knows he’s talking to people who’ve heard these things a million times, but he reframes them to help us see ourselves—that is, lifelong Christians who think we’ve got this faith thing all worked out—in the centre of God’s plan of salvation.

Even now, as seasoned believers, with years of Sunday services under our belts, countless worship songs sung, who knows how many prayers said, devotions read and volunteer hours logged, we're still sinners in need of God’s grace who have lots of room left to grow.

Down to the nitty-gritty: Sins Christians tolerate

Bridges covers everything from anger, judgmentalism, anxiety and impatience to worldliness, pride, selfishness and lack of self-control.

Sometimes we Christians purposely ignore these 'respectable' sins. Sometimes we just don't take them seriously. Gossip and materialism are a couple examples of this.

Other times these sins are winked at or they’re the subject of jokes. I can think of a few, but I’m curious which sins you (reading this review) would file under this category?

Bridges hits the mark

I’ve grown up in the church and consider myself to have been a believer most of my life, (You know, the ‘asked Jesus into my heart at age 6’ story), and I’ve seen each and every one of these sins in myself and in most ‘mature’ Christians around me.

Some of them, like materialism and selfishness, are shied away from in sermons, Bible studies, devotionals and especially in conversation with one another. We’re so hardwired from birth to practically idolize individualism, privacy and a citizen’s ‘rights’ to do whatever he wants with his money that we hardly distinguish them from the true sins of materialism and selfishness that God’s Word tries to guide us away from.

Other sins, like anger, are sometimes wrongly interpreted. I’ve been angered by serious sin in the church (e.g. putting personal comfort over helping a neighbor in need), and for that I have been accused of the ‘sin’ of anger. We Christians don’t know the difference between good anger (e.g. at cruel injustice) and sinful anger.

Bridges also missed a few biggies

Bridges really does justice to most sins that we Christians often let slide. He invites the reader, after reviewing each issue, to consider instances in our own lives where we have committed those sins and how we can return to a belief and a lifestyle more reflective of God’s desire for us, His Bride.

There are a few sins, though, I wish he had mentioned.

Love your neighbor: We don’t do it
The second commandment, to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, seems like a biggie in Scripture. And yet, growing up I’ve witnessed countless times when Christians have refused to help a fellow Christian in need.

Not helping one’s neighbor is often made to seem acceptable with the false teaching that people must suffer in silence, without asking for help, in order to prove that they’re trusting God. Scripture, on the other hand, is full of commands and examples of Christians tangibly helping one another and that this is linked to proof of our salvation. (See John Piper’s sermon on this.)

Church: The old boys’ club
I’ve gotta be honest. Sometimes the church resembles an old boys’ club more than a family of mature, caring believers who actually live by integrity. I’ve seen ‘mature’ Christians cover up fellow Christians’ sins and paving the way for that sin to continue. They also attacked anyone who brought those sins into the light.

Take the sexual abuse of children by clergy and other church leaders, for example. Consider the lengths to which ‘mature’ Christians have gone to cover up those sins, regardless of the fact that known pedophiles were free to continue abusing children because of the community’s collective will to keep it all quiet.

Accountability: Who's it for anyway?
Often the church patriarchs and matriarchs consider themselves above accountability. Their age and status in the community gives them a kind of immunity from it.

Jesus and Paul’s clear instructions to deal with sin and conflict in the church (Matt. 5:23-24; Matt. 18:15-17, 1 Cor. 5: 11-13) are only applied to hot button sins (e.g. divorce, premarital sex, challenging ‘authority,’ etc.). These sins are loudly preached against and the people who committ them are publicly disciplined, cast out, or otherwise raked over the coals.

What about extreme sins, like when missionaries and elders and pastors rape children? No, we’re told, we must pray for those leaders and do nothing more. If we break the code of silence, we’re accused of the sin of judgmentalism, vengeance, anger and so forth.

You know in some ways, the Church is seriously screwed up. That’s why these are some of the very deep and dangerous sins I wish Bridges had covered in his otherwise stellar work.

4.5 out of 5

Overall, the book was a huge encouragement to me, in that Bridges’ gentle treatment of these common sins paints a bright, uplifting picture of what the Church can become if we simply want to. All we need is to humble ourselves—I mean totally forget our privilege, status and years of service—and decide that our lives will not be a breeding ground for these sins anymore.

No sin is respectable.

Speaking of respect, it isn’t easy taking on the attitudes of overly comfortable Christians. I respect Jerry Bridges for the courage to share this unpopular yet urgently needed message with us.

--- Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NavPress Publishers as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commision's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

I'd like to read "Counterfeit Gospels" (promoted by Moody Publishers) because I'm curious to see if the author has caught that peculiar counterfeit gospel in many evangelical churches where traditions are clung to more tightly than God's Word.

You know, the kind of tradition that isn't questioned in conversation and usually taken as truth from the pulpit. The kind of tradition that gets you shushed with a stern frown when you casually mention that your devotions are leading you to re-think a long-held teaching of the church.

Like the tradition of glossing over 'respectable sins'. Is it okay to gossip? No, but we do share news about each other without permission. That's not gossip, is it?

How about the tradition that dressing in a suit & tie is the only way to worship? Or that drinking alcohol is a sin but gluttony is okay? Or that weekly church attendance is required whether or not we speak to the lonely people sitting beside us in the service?

How about deeper, more sinister traditions, like the idea that it's disrespectful to hold our leaders accountable because they 'speak for God so they must be right'? Or that we never talk about big sins in the church because hiding them 'preserves God's work'? Or that we should not ask our church family for help in times of need because that would mean we're not trusting God?

I'd love to read Counterfeit Gospels, because I'm eager to know if the author, out of love for God and His Bride, has shed light on some of the most deeply-held lies in mainstream evangelical churches. I sure hope he does.

Check out Moody Publishers book promo & contest.

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. (Psalm 119:105)

Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. (Joshua 1:8)

When you think of *doing* the Christian life (or "doing the kingdom" as some people say) I'm sure we all think about telling others about God, praying for people, volunteering at church, loving our neighbour and stuff like that.

But when you think about "doing," does the Bible also come to mind?

Reading the Bible doesn't exactly seem like an active "doing the kingdom" kind of thing. It always seemed like a passtime for Christians, something inactive or passive that we knew we should fit into our lives between the praying and volunteering and witnessing.

Blessed is the one ...
whose delight is in the law of the LORD,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers. (Psalm 1:1-3)

I've heard the phrase "doing the Kingdom" used to describe a Christian with a vibrant, faithful, servant lifestyle. I've especially heard it used to distinguish this lifestyle from other Christians who are fixated on Scripture and theology without applying it to their lives--in other words, lots of knowing and very little doing.

But the opposite extreme can also be a weakness for some of us. If we think of "doing the Kingdom" as being an action that excludes reading, thinking, memorizing and discussing Scripture, we risk drifting away from our clearest and most tangible connection to God--His Word.

A few more passages come to mind:

Scripture cannot be set aside (said by Jesus in John 10:35)

After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. (Luke 2:46-47)

Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. (Matt. 22:29)

And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself. (Luke 24:27)

I delight in your decrees;
I will not neglect your word. (Psalm 119:16)

Thinking about it again, maybe exploring/knowing/discussing/revering Scripture is also part of the doing? Maybe our relationship with God's Word is just as alive and thriving and active as anything else we do as Christians.

Just thinking out loud here. I'd love to hear your take on this too.

*Please read the following post with tongue firmly lodged in cheek.

Here's one 'Christianese' saying I've heard LOTS over the years:

I covet your prayers.

Covet.

That's a sin, right?

I did a keyword search in the New Testament and not one reference to the word "covet" was positive.

So why use one of the sins condemned in the 10 Commandments to tell people how much we want them to pray for us? Won't they take us seriously otherwise?

I guess the simple carefree days of "please pray for me" are over. They're long gone. People need something more dramatic, some sign to prove how serious we are. Now-a-days we need to sin just to get on someone's supplication list.

It's like saying,

I need your prayers so badly I want to steal them.

I idolize your prayers about me.

I'll shun my parents just to show how much I need your prayers.

I'd kill to have you pray for me.

Or better yet...

I will bear false witness against my parents, steal their stuff, kill their parakeet and build an altar to you -- and I'll do it all on the Sabbath -- if only you'll pray for me.

You get the picture.

Carol Kent's book dedication struck me between the eyes. She says:

This book is dedicated to our

"Stretcher Bearers"

and to all of you who take the time
to respond to the needs of others
by answering the question,
"How can I help with tangible encouragement?"

Our "Stretcher Bearers" became the
hands and feet of Jesus to us
when we ran out of resources.

You have modeled a lifestyle of giving

that has forever changed our lives.

Please hold Gene and me accountable

for "finishing well."

Then at the end of chapter 1 Carol Kent poses questions for the reader on issues like "unthinkable circumstances," prayer, and so on. The next question she asks is incredible:

Are you asking for help from other people? If not, what keeps you from asking? (Embarrassment and self-reliance are possibilities.) Carefully consider what might benefit you most right now (and at each stage of your journey through unthinkable circumstances): Professional advice? A shoulder to cry on (literally)? Help running errands or keeping your household or business in order? A weekend away? Financial support? Whom can you ask to help you get what you need?

I find these questions so stunning because of how strongly they go against the grain in some Christian circles. Asking for advice or a cup of sugar is one thing. Asking for someone's time, energy, or significant resources are quite another, especially if the situation makes them feel uncomfortable. Discomfort--that reason alone was enough for my parents' church leaders to defend the members' absence from our lives when we needed support and compassion the most.

In a capitalist and individualistic culture that prizes privacy and self-fulfillment, asking for these things may cost you dearly. You might even lose relationships along the way, even in your family or in your church. And if you ask more than once, you'll receive a stern warning about "depending on God for your needs, not on people." They'll try to give you the idea that asking people for help is shameful--sinful even--because it shows how little you trust God to provide for your needs.

Well, don't believe them.

There are countless examples through the Old and New Testaments showing God's desire for us to take action to help people in need. Here's one story from Scripture that gets little airtime from the pulpit:

Acts 6:1-7
In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, the Hellenistic Jews among them complained against the Hebraic Jews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food. So the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, “It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait on tables. Brothers and sisters, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word.”

This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; also Philip, Procorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas from Antioch, a convert to Judaism. They presented these men to the apostles, who prayed and laid their hands on them.

So the word of God spread. The number of disciples in Jerusalem increased rapidly, and a large number of priests became obedient to the faith.

The Greek-speaking Jews complained to church leaders because native Jewish widows in their group were getting food, and Greek-speaking widows were not.

Notice what the church leaders did NOT do in response:

• They didn't say, "Well, if the Greek-speaking widows aren't getting food, then it must be God's will."
• They didn't tell the Greek-speaking widows to put their "trust in God, not in man."
• They didn't make the Greek-speaking Jews feel less spiritual for making their complaint.
• They didn't say, "Well, you just have to understand that native Jews are uncomfortable around Greek-speaking Jews."

Notice what the church leaders DID do in response:

• They immediately met with each other to solve the problem.
• They recognized that the teachers among them already had a heavy work load.
• They chose believers from their congregation to fill this specific need.
• In short, they lived out the gospel!

Asking for help is not a sin. Be on your guard in case the spiritual leaders you trust try to tell you otherwise.

Christians ARE the hands and feet of Jesus in each others' lives, if God has given us a resource or skill to give, and IF we're willing to put others ahead of ourselves.

Stretcher Bearers... what a great concept. :)

The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. (1 Cor. 12:12)

I come from a conservative church background, so when I made the eyebrow-raising decision to join a charismatic Vineyard church seven years ago, I was all but renouncing my faith. When Amber*, another lifelong member of my conservative church, left to join the Vineyard church, our former pastor and several of his church members openly speculated about her salvation.

A little while later this same pastor met with Amber, warning her against her choice by making all sorts of claims about the Vineyard movement. By this time, though, she had already met with the Vineyard's pastor to learn about his beliefs, and she got to know the beliefs of her new Vineyard friends as well. So as she sat in this meeting with her former pastor, she already realized that he didn't actually know what he was talking about. Of course the Vineyard wasn't perfect, but he made claims about the Vineyard that came from rumor, not fact, and she--timid but with a clear conscience--corrected his misunderstandings. And she's been a member of the Vineyard church ever since.

When I heard this story, I wondered how I would feel if someone questioned my salvation simply for changing denominations. I'd probably be upset at whoever was spreading that kind of slander about me. But then I'd realize that the problem is bigger than this one pastor, bigger than his church, and bigger than his denomination even.

I spent six years at that Vineyard church, and I saw a few of them (not their pastor, though) do the same thing--I saw an elder, a youth leader, and another program leader question the salvation of people from other churches, specifically people who fit their definition of legalistic. And their definition was pretty broad too--it included anyone who focuses "too much" on Bible study and theology. (Funny enough, their definition includes Jesus--I don't think they realized just how studious He had been, even as a child!)

Years later I'm still scratching my head over why it's so easy for people to set up their own religion within a religion, like a system of nesting dolls. The biggest doll is Christianity. The next biggest could be evangelicalism. The next, "umbrella groups" with similar views. The next, individual denominations. The next, individual congregations. And the smallest, individual believers within the congregations.

But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. How strange a body would be if it had only one part! Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.” (1 Cor. 12:18-21)

These religions within Christianity each have their own idols and sacrifices. They slander people who don't belong, and make false accusations about them. They decide who is and isn't really saved. And they convince themselves just how right they are to be separate from the others in the Body of Christ.

Why are we prone to doing this? Maybe people are afraid of anything that's different and out of their comfort zone. We know that in the end God will join believers of every tribe and tongue and nation, which seems to suggest a little diversity there. But I guess everyone assumes that God will show the others how *our* denomination really had it right, and how in God's wisdom heaven will be structured exactly like our home church. Won't that be divine?!!

On the other hand, maybe the answer is about human pride, and the pride of correct doctrine. We think we've got all our doctrinal ducks in a row, and our denominational chest swells as we gleefully, sheepishly, piously, humbly shine our light of truth so that wayward believers can find their way onto our membership roster. But it isn't just the dogmatic types that can feel pride of correct doctrine. As Jerry Bridges points out in "Respectable Sins" even believers who dispise theology and doctrine can feel pride in their own ideas about faith.

Where do we Christians get our ideas from, I wonder? We assume it comes down to people having different interpretations of God's Word. But thinking over what I've witnessed these last 10 years, I'm realizing the problem goes much deeper: People aren't reading God's Word.

For six years I attended that Vineyard church and I saw people say they wanted guidance from God about one issue or another. The assumption was that they wanted it to come through prayer or a word of knowledge. Either they didn't realize or didn't want to realize that God had often already given the answer in His Word.

One Vineyard church elder and I chatted about Scriptures on the topic of accountability among members of a congregation. This elder used their own reasons to explain away every verse on this subject. This person was so concerned about all the mistakes that believers *might* make in trying to hold each other accountable that they thought it best not to have accountability at all. In blunt terms, this person trusted their own wisdom over God's Word.

On another occasion, a Vineyard youth leader said how uncomfortable they were around deep Bible study because it reminded them of leglism. Bible study leads to legalism, which leads to hypocrisy, arguments and division in the church, they said. Now I want to pause a moment and acknowledge the incredible damage that the Church has suffered because of graceless faith and legalism. The threat is real, and I understand why they would feel this way about Bible studies and theology that sound more dogmatic than life-giving. The problem, though, is when they treat the Bible as though it's contagious and can spread the disease of hypocrisy if you get too close.

This is true for more conservative churches too, because many of the traditions they defend so fiercely are nowhere found in Scripture. Many ideas I was raised with in my conservative tradition, which I thought were just about on par with the Ten Commandments, are based more on human emotion and comfort than on Scripture. Tradition is where some of these believers find their safety and security, and it's why they fight so hard against any ideas to the contrary.

People prefer their own wisdom over God's. No wonder it's so easy for new 'religions' to pop up within the Body of Christ. The Church of the Eyes claims to see truth better than everyone else. The Church of the Nose can smell out the enemy better than anyone else. The Church of the Right Big Toe says "I've always done it this way and so should you" and, well, you get the idea. And everyone decides who's in and who's out, who's saved and who isn't.

So what have I taken away from all this? When it comes to charismatic churches, I've learned to be on my guard. Believers who are well-meaning want to emphasize love and grace and peace and healing, all of which are good and were God's idea to begin with, but they may be trusting in themselves and their methods more than in God's Word. I'm on my guard at conservative churches too: those well-meaning believers want to be sure everyone's on the straight and narrow, but again, they may be trusting in their traditions more than in God's Word--so their version of the straight and narrow might be more like a dark cluttered alley on the wrong side of town.

My advice: If there's ever a question on your heart, some people may tell you to pray about it (which is good) or they might give you the church's traditional answer to it (which may or may not be good). But they might not know that God has already answered your question in the Bible. Worse, they might not encourage you to look for it in Scripture.

Meanwhile, if we don't know the whole Bible, and know it well, we'll be easily convinced of something that could be totally taken out of context. It's important to know the whole Bible, and to know all of it deeply. And if Scripture doesn't seem clear, then read up on it, far and wide, among theologians who've studied the original languages, whose insight is reliable, who exude an attitude of grace, who aren't afraid to challenge popular trends OR established traditions if they don't line up with Scripture. And if it really is a grey issue, a good theologian will be honest about that too.

God will never disagree with Himself. If it sounds like He's telling you something, or telling somebody else something through prayer or a word of knowledge or church tradition, test it against Scripture. If what people tell you is true, then Scripture will bear it out. And if it isn't true, God's Word will show you that too.

And then He'll show you how to get along with a bunch of believers who seem to bicker about everything. I don't know about you, but sometimes this one makes me want to hide in my own nesting doll on a deserted island in another galaxy! Then He reminds me to just keep studying His Word, build bridges with other believers, and encourage everyone to do the same! :)

*These stories are real, but names have been changed.

Comedian Tim Hawkins

Strange Christmas carols: Do you hear what I hear?





Fast Food





Turning 40





Catch Phrases





Wrong Verse





Super Nanny





Cracker Barrel





Young Love





What's in a name?

Early onset dementia (EOD) puts its victims and their caregivers into predicaments most of society doesn't expect or understand. Because of this, EOD easily and often threatens to bring poverty to families in the prime of life. (This is the last thing families need, when they're already dealing with a myriad of losses and challenges, such as shock, grief, and the gazillion-and-one responsibilities of caregiving.) Let me illustrate with a story: A couple years ago when I talked with community organizations who supposedly deal with patients living with dementia, I explained that Dad didn't understand the need for someone to stay with him during the day while the rest of us could go to work and school (I was in a full-time masters program at the time). I also explained that he physically walks out of day programs and that one of us had to skip work/school to stay at home with him. I said that we were desperate for a solution so that we wouldn't lose our livelihood.

These community organizations responded, saying they had no way to help us, and then they said, "Do your parents have a church or family in town?"

Well, when I explained our difficult situation to our relatives and my parents' church, their response was, "We can't help you. Have you talked with the government?"

When I spoke with our social worker, she said, "Well, we can't conjure up a solution out of thin air. We can't help you."

And that was it... Either Mom faced losing her job or I was going to put off my studies (with no way of paying off student loans) so that one of us could stay at home with Dad full time. We had no clue what the future would hold, but we knew we'd probably end up in debt and in trouble. It felt like we were drowning, and most people around us had no clue, because they didn't know what this kind of drowning looks like so they didn't recognize it in us. And when I tried to explain to relatives and church members just how desperate we were, some of them got defensive and attacked ME.

However, a few extraordinary families and churches (not my parents' church so much) helped us bridge that gap. They threw us a life-preserver in a very dark and hopeless situation. Because of them I was able to finish school, and we were able to move to a new place where our whole family lived under one roof and all of us kids pooled our resources so that Mom wouldn't have to work and could stay home with Dad.

Oh, the lack of understanding in our whole society about what dementia is really like for its victims and their caregivers is absolutely stunning. I feel grieved at how under-prepared society really is for the increase in Alzheimer's/dementia diagnoses that will come our way as the Baby Boomers age.

But on a much brighter note, the incredible generosity in the hearts of those who reached out with help for us is even more stunning. I feel encouraged that with compassion and sensitivity from people like this, there is still some hope for future dementia sufferers and their families.

This 2006 post came to mind just now as I work on journalling our family's journey. At this time I was visiting my soon-to-be husband in the US, it had been exactly a year since my break-up with a guy who denied that his porn addiction was a problem, and I was just at the point of deciding to leave his church in search of one where I'd feel more embraced. This post was sort of my last attempt to reach out to my church peers before leaving for good. I'm not sure, but the topic might be close to your heart also, which is why I'm pulling it from the archives for you tonight:

August 22, 2006:

Last night I hungrily watched and waited as Scott worked over the gas stove putting the finishing touches on our dinner as it sizzled in the wok. It was a beef stir fry with different spices and veggies, including bamboo, fresh ginger, sweet soy sauce, Indonesian dried hot peppers, and his favourite secret ingredient which I am not at liberty to disclose. Served over jasmine rice it was absolutely fabulous, and I enjoyed every last bit of it with my very own set of brand new re-usable chopsticks.

But during supper I let my mind wander to news I had received from home, and I had to fight the tears. It reminded me of an ongoing struggle that I've had ever since my family left Austria to return to Canada, which is namely the struggle to make lasting friendships with our peers at church. Sometimes we weren't in one place long enough to really make meaningful connections. Other times my brother and I were at the age where our peers were more concerned with popularity than reaching out to a couple pastor's kids. We've always been somewhat reserved, tired of changing church families every few years, sick of the politics and insincerity we've witnessed, and hesitant to reach out again and again only to be laughed at, or ignored, or simply tolerated by our peers.

I was reminded of a similar struggle I have felt in my current church, though now that I'm an adult I don't deal with the same kind of insecurities when making friends that I did as a child/adolescent. This time it's more about trying to break into established groups of friends, 'cliques', who felt complete before I arrived and will feel just as complete after I leave.

When I first began attending my (now ex-)boyfriend's church I was blown away by the love and down-to-earth compassion that I witnessed people giving to each other every Sunday morning. The Bible study group I joined was similar, where the worship was sincere and the desire for growth was strongly shared by everyone. I actually felt like a brand new "baby" Christian who was learning for the first time what it meant to live in Christian community with my fellow church members, where prayer and conversation about faith was not limited to Bible studies and Sunday morning services, but was made evident in all of our interaction with other people at all times. It really changed my outlook and made me realize how much deeper my faith still had to grow so that I lived it out every minute of my life, especially with my friends and family.

Two and a half years later, after my relationship ended, I was hurting terribly but the compassion, prayers and hugs I had seen other people receive on Sunday mornings were just not there for me, even though my entire peer group knew what had happened. I needed their support so badly... Surely, I thought, someone must know that I feel like I'm dying inside.

Then I gradually realized that I was no longer being invited to hang out with the peer group that I had gotten to know over the last 2.5 years. It hurt. I felt alone. So I decided to pour myself into my church community and did the first thing that came to mind - I helped to start a young adults group that would hopefully bring people together. I was looking forward to getting to know my peers, hoping they would get to know me as a single person again - no longer as just their friend's former girlfriend, but as their friend as well. Many showed up at first, but slowly the group began to dwindle. Even so I attended as faithfully as I could, and I still adored the community atmosphere at our Sunday morning church services. I wouldn't miss them for the world. Then one night, several months later, we had planned a potluck to which just a handful of young adults showed up. I later learned that a number of them had planned private party for that same night. My heart broke. The following Sunday, and every Sunday since, I have faced a monumental struggle in finding the motivation to attend church. Yes, they show amazing love and compassion, they pray for and embrace each other at the drop of a hat, but I realized I have to be friends with them before I will be sought out, prayed for, and embraced.

I don't want to fail to mention the exceptions - and there almost always are exceptions. One friend of mine who's been there since the beginning has made an effort to go out of her way to keep in touch with me, and she knows who she is. :) If it weren't for her I know that I would have left that church a while ago already. Then there's another friend I'm still just getting to know who arrived on the scene after I was already single and beginning to think about helping to organize the young adults group. She also knows who she is, and I appreciate her kindness very much as well!! There are a couple others, two very wise and more mature church members who make a point of connecting with me on Sunday mornings too, one of whom also reads this blog. ;) Thank you!!

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but sincere gestures to reach out mean the world to me. I'm a former pastor's kid who's had to jump from one church to the next, who's had to fight shyness and loneliness over the years, deal with insincere attention from others because of my Dad's job, put up with petty popularity games among my Christian peers, say good-bye over and over again to the few real friends I was able to make then try to reach out again at yet another new church... I think it would be understandable that 19 years of this has left me somewhat emotionally exhausted. I am an introvert, I'm not bubbly, I'm not the life of the party, I'm not the kind of magnetic personality who attracts people to me very easily, yet I love people! And I wish that there was a way to get the average Christian church community to understand how important it is to reach out and genuinely welcome newcomers into their established friendship groups. I don't want to be seen as a ministry. I want to be surrounded by folks who see me as an equal and actually care to get to know me.

So after supper last night I was lost in thought about all of this. Scott was a comfort to me, but I also wished I could have been back home to offer my hugs and support to a friend who was struggling with the same loneliness...

A couple Christian writers forecast the end of "Christian America" and the benefits that can come from it. The writer of this article is one of them, and the other is Gabe Lyons who wrote "The Next Christians." I find these ideas a little unnerving but exciting too.

Article: The coming evangelical collapse

Sub-title: An anti-Christian chapter in Western history is about to begin. But out of the ruins, a new vitality and integrity will rise.

Link: http://www.csmonitor.com/Commentary/Opinion/2009/0310/p09s01-coop.html

Finally, the root of all theological confusion is revealed, and it comes down to this: Why didn't the Christian cross the road?

If you're searching for the perfect evidence with which to smite your enemy understanding to admonish your brother/sister in the Lord, search no more. This list will answer all your questions. We will learn about Evangelicals, Emergers, Reformed Theologians, Dispensationalists, and Arminians. And most importantly, take it with grain of salt and enjoy.

Many thanks to Parchment & Pen for illuminating the Church with these timely insights, and thanks to my friend who spread the word on her blog. ;)


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Top Eleven Reasons the Arminian Did Not Cross the Road

11. He is the one who is in charge. No one is going to make him do anything.

10. We are not sure if he will cross or not. No one knows. Not even God.

9. He has felt the draw of the other side of the road and has resisted thus far.

8. He heard someone yell at someone on the other side calling him a dork. He thought he said “Dordt.” It scared him.

7. Two guys named John and Ed were on the other side. It was too big of a risk (and they looked mean).

6. He will cross the road. But it won’t happen until just before he dies. Insurance. What if he did it early and changed his mind? Smart thinking.

5. Finney and Pelagius just crossed. Everyone already thinks he follows them. To cross now would just confirm their suspicions.

4. He shipwrecked on his way across therefore he never made it.

3. God cast a vote for him to cross. Satan cast a vote for him not to cross. He holds the deciding vote.

2. He did cross the road. In fact, he has crossed it over a dozen times. He just keep backsliding.

1. He did cross the road but stopped half way. One side was Geneva and the other side was Rome.


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Top Ten Reasons Why the Emerger Did Not Cross the Road?

I know. They don’t go by the name emerger anymore. But the attitude is still out there and they need representation on this issue.

10. Because he did not want to be labeled.

9. Because he was not absolutely certain that he could cross since in order to get to the other side, you would have to go half way, and in order to go half way, you would have to go half way to the half way, and in order to go half way to the half way, you would have to go half way, ad infinitum.

8. Because it was not a labyrinth shaped road.

7. Because only arrogant people cross roads.

6. He was afriad it was the “Romans Road.”

5. Because they don’t ordain women or homosexuals to street preaching on the other side.

4. Because everyone crosses the road. It must be wrong.

3. Because to cross the road you have to go West.

2. Because it was a one-way street.

1. Because he did not want to be accused of J-Mac-ing.


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Top Eleven Reasons Why the Reformed Theologian Did not Cross the Road

11. A woman already crossed. We don’t follow women.

10. We don’t believe the road is safe. It wasn’t built between 1500-1700 A.D.

9. We believe that “road crossing” ceased with the death of the last Apostle or the completion of the New Testament.

8. The crossing guard was only helping people cross from one side to the other, so we are suspicious. Is this a denial of double pre-destination?

7. Neither Romans 9 or John 6 say anything about crossing roads. Therefore, it is unbiblical.

6. The “Walk” sign was gender neutral. It made us mad.

5. The road was called Tiber Ave.

4. John Wesley said that God’s prevenient grace would pave the way, but we have to take the steps ourselves. What a load!

3. We were not elected to cross before the foundation of the road.

2. Piper said that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied on our side of the road.

1. The pub is on this side of the road.


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Top Ten Reasons the Evangelical Did Not Cross the Road

10. Because there was not a tea party on the other side of the road.

9. Because he was not sure WWJD in any given road crossing situation.

8. He wanted to avoid the man begging for money on the other side. He just needs to get a job.

7. The road was named after Bill Clinton.

6. He did not read anything about crossing the road in Purpose Driven Life.

5. On the other side of the road there was a guy who was the friend of a friend of a friend who voted for Obama.

4. Their church was watch the movie “The Road” on Sunday mornings instead of listening to a sermon. He wanted to wait until it was over to see what to do.

3. There were Fundamentalists on one side and liberals on the other side. He wanted to mediate so he went to the middle of the road.

2. Because he was waiting for the guy from the golf-cart ministry to pick him up.

1. While the main campus of his church was on the other side of the road, he had a satellite campus on his. Why cross?


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Top Ten Reason the Dispensationalist Did Not Cross the Road

10. By taking a consistently literal approach, we thought that “cross the road” meant something about the crucifixion.

9. We thought that the other side was for Israel and this side was for the church.

8. Charles Ryrie was still on this side of the road, why cross?

7. It is pointless since Jesus is just going to bring us back after 7 years.

6. Like the OT prophets and the church age, we were unable to see the other side.

5. We counted and it would take 18 steps. That divided by 3 is 6. 666. Therefore, it would be taking the mark of the beast.

4. We were not a part of the ‘crossing’ dispensation.

3. Dallas Theological Seminary has yet published anything telling us how to do it.

2. It was crossing from HWY 69 to HWY 70. That road is meant only for Israel.

1. We thought we would be raptured before we got there anyway.

This is just a little note to let you know you're often thought of with gratitude. Many are they who will give grand counsel and goodly advice without forsaking the pedestal of self-esteem. But there are so few, like you, who touch the hearts of anybodies and make them somebodies, who say, "I can feel your pain, may I share it?", who knit their lives to others for that brief time when care is needed most, who when his life path crosses another's, says, "let me help you for the span of time we walk together," forgiving and forgetting with a love that surpasses all but the divine.

For your encouragement and fellowship I will always be deeply grateful.

So ends a letter to my Dad from a gentleman many decades ago. The person he describes is the Dad I've known growing up - always fully and completely giving himself to others in their greatest moments of weakness and grief. Why is it that, after living a life like his and now in his greatest time of need, the majority of Christian acquaintances back out of Dad's life in fear, while those who embrace him with love are the exception? And is it any wonder that those of us who know and love Dad experience indignation when Christian leaders of my parents' church justify their own and their members' distance in their greatest time of need and loneliness?

Dad and I have been on the go ever since his change in medication! I never dreamt one less pill per day would translate into driving around the countryside, meeting new people, visiting old friends, getting to know my community, learning history, and going on photography jaunts day in and day out! It's pretty striking to see the difference in Dad now that he has less Dilantin clouding his mind. Dad's energy level, ambition, curiosity and rootedness in reality have skyrocketed during this time, which has really kept me on my toes. In the last few weeks Dad and I have frequented historical sites, attended cultural events, visited local tourist sites, and taken in free classical concerts. I have to say, I've really enjoyed myself, and my only major complaint is that I am no longer able to spend my days at home working on my thesis. The cost so far has been $1500, which I've spent on tuition fees just to be enrolled in school, while getting nothing done. What I desperately, desperately need is other people to come over and spend time with Dad a few hours in the morning. I just can't express how badly I need to redeem the rest of my school year. Why is it that so many people just don't seem to realize the cost of caregiving, and how life-changing their long-term help might be to caregivers? It's all good for people to tell me to depend on God, but we all know God isn't going to erase my school debt. Nor is He going to finish my thesis for me.

I've recently connected with Christians from a church my Dad formerly pastored. They actually just survived a much greater trauma than we are currently, so they know just how meaningful it is to have friends share in the task of burden-bearing. One of them has already spent a morning with Dad, and will be returning on a regular basis in order to offer respite to my Mom and me. We are extremely grateful to God for answering our prayers through this man! And the remarkable thing about his visits is that he drives 1.5 hours one way just to get here!

Meanwhile, my Clone and I have been planning dinner parties in order to resurrect my parents' social life and opportunities for meaningful fellowship and friendship. Mom is way too busy and tired to do this herself, but she has also admitted to being painfully lonely this year. So, Clone and I came up with a plan to organize small dinners for my parents and their friends from far and wide, one family at a time. We are thoroughly enjoying our interaction with the folks who've sat at my parents' table so far, and we look forward to many fun dinner parties in the weeks and months to come! We're also grateful for our family who've invited my parents to their place in the last few weeks; this gives us much-needed rest, and gives me snippets of time for my studies.

Speaking of which, I have a research ethics request form to finish. Thanks for dropping by!

Last night I hungrily watched and waited as Scott worked over the gas stove putting the finishing touches on our dinner as it sizzled in the wok. It was a beef stir fry with different spices and veggies, including bamboo, fresh ginger, sweet soy sauce, Indonesian dried hot peppers, and his favourite secret ingredient which I am not at liberty to disclose. Served over jasmine rice it was absolutely fabulous, and I enjoyed every last bit of it with my very own set of brand new re-usable chopsticks.

But during supper I let my mind wander to news I had received from home, and I had to fight the tears. It reminded me of an ongoing struggle that I've had ever since my family left Austria to return to Canada, which is namely the struggle to make lasting friendships with our peers at church. Sometimes we weren't in one place long enough to really make meaningful connections. Other times my brother and I were at the age where our peers were more concerned with popularity than reaching out to a couple pastor's kids. We've always been somewhat reserved, tired of changing church families every few years, sick of the politics and insincerity we've witnessed, and hesitant to reach out again and again only to be laughed at, or ignored, or simply tolerated by our peers.

I was reminded of a similar struggle I have felt in my current church, though now that I'm an adult I don't deal with the same kind of insecurities when making friends that I did as a child/adolescent. This time it's more about trying to break into established groups of friends, 'cliques', who felt complete before I arrived and will feel just as complete after I leave.

When I first began attending my (now ex-)boyfriend's church I was blown away by the love and down-to-earth compassion that I witnessed people giving to each other every Sunday morning. The Bible study group I joined was similar, where the worship was sincere and the desire for growth was strongly shared by everyone. I actually felt like a brand new "baby" Christian who was learning for the first time what it meant to live in Christian community with my fellow church members, where prayer and conversation about faith was not limited to Bible studies and Sunday morning services, but was made evident in all of our interaction with other people at all times. It really changed my outlook and made me realize how much deeper my faith still had to grow so that I lived it out every minute of my life, especially with my friends and family.

Two and a half years later, after my relationship ended, I was hurting terribly but the compassion, prayers and hugs I had seen other people receive on Sunday mornings were just not there for me, even though my entire peer group knew what had happened. I needed their support so badly... Surely, I thought, someone must know that I feel like I'm dying inside.

Then I gradually realized that I was no longer being invited to hang out with the peer group that I had gotten to know over the last 2.5 years. It hurt. I felt alone. So I decided to pour myself into my church community and did the first thing that came to mind - I helped to start a young adults group that would hopefully bring people together. I was looking forward to getting to know my peers, hoping they would get to know me as a single person again - no longer as just their friend's former girlfriend, but as their friend as well. Many showed up at first, but slowly the group began to dwindle. Even so I attended as faithfully as I could, and I still adored the community atmosphere at our Sunday morning church services. I wouldn't miss them for the world. Then one night, several months later, we had planned a potluck to which just a handful of young adults showed up. I later learned that a number of them had planned private party for that same night. My heart broke. The following Sunday, and every Sunday since, I have faced a monumental struggle in finding the motivation to attend church. Yes, they show amazing love and compassion, they pray for and embrace each other at the drop of a hat, but I realized I have to be friends with them before I will be sought out, prayed for, and embraced.

I don't want to fail to mention the exceptions - and there almost always are exceptions. One friend of mine who's been there since the beginning has made an effort to go out of her way to keep in touch with me, and she knows who she is. :) If it weren't for her I know that I would have left that church a while ago already. Then there's another friend I'm still just getting to know who arrived on the scene after I was already single and beginning to think about helping to organize the young adults group. She also knows who she is, and I appreciate her kindness very much as well!! There are a couple others, two very wise and more mature church members who make a point of connecting with me on Sunday mornings too, one of whom also reads this blog. ;) Thank you!!

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but sincere gestures to reach out mean the world to me. I'm a former pastor's kid who's had to jump from one church to the next, who's had to fight shyness and loneliness over the years, deal with insincere attention from others because of my Dad's job, put up with petty popularity games among my Christian peers, say good-bye over and over again to the few real friends I was able to make then try to reach out again at yet another new church... I think it would be understandable that 19 years of this has left me somewhat emotionally exhausted. I am an introvert, I'm not bubbly, I'm not the life of the party, I'm not the kind of magnetic personality who attracts people to me very easily, yet I love people! And I wish that there was a way to get the average Christian church community to understand how important it is to reach out and genuinely welcome newcomers into their established friendship groups. I don't want to be seen as a ministry. I want to be surrounded by folks who see me as an equal and actually care to get to know me.

So after supper last night I was lost in thought about all of this. Scott was a comfort to me, but I also wished I could have been back home to offer my hugs and support to a friend who was struggling with the same loneliness...

IN A NUTSHELL
I'm a wife, caregiver, book worm and global nomad. I'm a missionary kid & pastor's kid. A fan of history, science, travel and HGTV. I'm a Christian who hates labels. I'm also a student of every subject under the sun.

A LITTLE MORE ABOUT
Churchy stuff
I love reading, thinking and discussing the Church--our church history, our present-day church, the global church, pretty much every church topic under the sun.

I'm nowhere near being a theologian and I don't pretend to have all the answers.

But for 20+ years, as a missionary kid & pastor's kid, I observed the church's public face and its behind-closed-doors face as well.

And thanks to my Dad's interaction with others in ministry, I've sat through countless ministry retreats, meetings, and dinner table talks about church as well.

So I've got this experiential foundation in church stuff, and now I'm trying to fill in the gaps by learning as much as I can. I also write a blog about church.

Being a young caregiver
I'm crawling my way up from total burn-out after 2.5 years of helping my parents get through the most chaotic and agonizing phase of my Dad's dementia.

I'm also struggling through the grief of losing my Dad so early in life; he's 64 now, and his downward spiral began when he was only 57.

Now he's in the advanced stages of dementia. I miss being able talk with him (we used to talk about church and all kinds of other things) and I miss getting advice from him too.

These days I barely know how to respond to what he's being forced to endure; getting my brain to accept what dementia does to a human being is like telling a computer to bake a cake. It doesn't compute.

What keeps me blogging
I often wonder, how do I...
• Live in the moment with an eye to eternity?
• Ground myself in the Word while staying open to the Spirit?
• Overcome evil with good, especially the stuff hiding behind 'Christian' attitudes, trends and traditions?
• Lead a lifestyle of passionate wisdom *and* worship?
• Love God with all my mind, heart, soul and strength?

So here at widsith I write to find answers to these questions and (when you comment) I get to hear how they're being answered for you too.